TANGERiNE FiDELiTY

Seven months, So far no Monks

2006-05-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

Seven months …. Geee … this I what you get from a seven month absent. SPAM!

Maybe I should start tidying up my blog a little ….

Tangerine living amongst orchard meadow in deliberation of sunshine adoration …
In purposefulness walk and vigilant talk …
Hmmm ... Just very bored ;-)

Sunshine Voyager

2005-10-10T22:10:00.000+08:00

So much has happened since my last entry. Besides my indulgent on the Voyager series, major changes are set to overwhelm my tangerine life pretty soon. Anyhow, I’ve already pampered myself for 3 seasons of Star Trek since my purchase. Starting season 4 now. Maybe I should go easy on them else I’ll finished the entire series by end of November. I guess I can’t help watching episode after episode, night after nights. It’s just so exhilarating. In chorus, I felt like my life resembling Voyager; Lost but trying every endeavor to survive and to voyage back home regardless the obstacle. If only I knew where home is.

So how should I begin? It’s been a while since I’ve forced myself to a job interview. The word forced seems mandatory. Who would want to have a 9 to 6 job if the heavens are kind enough to bestow unlimited wealth of everlasting riches? It’s after all a down-to-earth humanity that we live in. There is no such thing as free lunches in my tangerine world. Looks as if that the whole equation comes at a price. A very dear price I would say but that’s subjective. I had my job interview on Thursday and they offered me the appointment the next day. They must be desperate for cheap labor.

Full time employment might not be a bad thing in any case. I presumed that the general publics are under some full time employment arrangement one way or another. Surely not everyone has the luxury of self-employment or is willing to take the step of entrepreneurship. My carefree freelance days are imminently coming to an end. Maybe I’m going no where due to my stubbornness or perhaps I’m finding every opportunity I have to settle down in Singapore where I get to be with my sunshine indefinitely. When affection are so strong that it clouds every rational judgment and decision of my career path, there is nothing much that can be done accept for trust. Trusting myself that in whichever circumstances that I might pursuit, the route might eventually lead to splendor. Trusting God not for the perfect endowment but entrusting that strength in hope against hope may well in due course lead to blissful fulfillment. After all, we should be thankful for all things, good or bad; happy or sad. I’m after all a tangerine discovering to appreciate happiness with a different light. Luminous light for my sunshine sight.

I’ll be commencing my employment starting next week on the 17th. Definitely a very rushed decision and leaving me not much time to settle my errands. Predicaments of relocation are surely a problematic affair if not a mind throbbing one. But that’s only the least of my worries. So much reservation on uncertainty to start all over again yet so contented in preparatory of a brand new sparkle to be together with sunshine. Then again, can I survive without my own car in Singapore? Can this tangerine still enjoy a mollycoddle lifestyle in the midst of public transport? Will this tangerine stand being confined within a science park between 9 to 6? Am I capable of the escalating impending job responsibilities? Is my remuneration package enough to survive? Will the sky still be blue and the sea spread afar with a luminous translucent green hue?

Relocating more than 450km at a distance is surely nonconforming. Nothing will be the same anymore. My life will never be the same again. Though the identical tangerine within the midst of shimmering sunshine, it’s after all a different orchard. The orchard of a frantic eventful road. Living amongst lemons and oranges flanking busy Orchard Road.

Tangerine Voyager

2005-09-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

It’s when one loses its common sense that he/she is most vulnerable towards temptation. Enticement of excitement through persuasion of attraction by pure magnetism of allure and appeal in relation to desire and craving. I’ve been tempted and therefore I have sinned. Sin of peccadillo pecuniary crime of over exhausting delicate resources in non viable and pointless inflated fancy kind. Yes, I did it again … I’ve just spend RM358 on adulterated copies of illegal DVD9 Star Trek: Voyager – Season 1 till 7. And I’m not even sure that it’s a good price that I have splurged. Doesn’t really look like the original … okay, I’ve never seen the original before but I guess there’s no use regretting now. I’m actually very happy that I’ve finally bought it. My desire can rest in peace while I relive my fictional fantasy. I just hope this tangerine can stay juicy till my next credit card statement comes! Oh no!? What have I done !!!??? Maybe I can sell it off as second hands after I’m done with all 172 episodes. Ermmm …is that common sense?

Down with 1 Right

2005-09-21T03:00:00.000+08:00

Though armed with high hopes and ambitious endeavor of infinite dreams and ideas, of endless venture and everlasting conviction, of certainty and passion for victory… I would still fail. Setback from instigation without the discipline, without restraint and without the parameter of wisdom… these could be the causes. For dreams can be misleading ideas and impulsive ventures has no certainty in assurance while self-enthusiasm is definitely no guarantee for victory and triumph. We are but what we eat. We get flab from eating fat. To swallow our own defeat might make us an even more pathetic useless ditch.

Thus, claiming being defeated is but an excuse for saying that “I could have won…”. What an egoistical narcissistic opinion of self when there is no battlefield in fantasy dreamland nor enemies to assault in a self-fabricated falsified consciousness. There is neither defeat nor victory in a self-centered self-seeking paradise. I am but imagining my own success. Now I could be imaging my own failure of uncertainty. Ambiguity to life and indistinctness to live. So who is lying to me? My own self or the deceitful society of falsehood? Is it my own propaganda to my peculiar reality? Or reality in hypocrisy to fidelity?

It’s depressing to realize that my very walk in this humanity is spiraling round like a lost sheep. I’m but a desiccated tangerine rolling around aimlessly in vulnerable circumstances of seeking and searching. To find what I do not know and to discover what I cannot see. To venture into desire of my impulsive belief in certainty but yet without guarantee of security. I no longer know what I need or what I should do. I’m but following my heart in personification of hope that I have done my optimum part. To maybe just live. To breathe airs of hopeful atmosphere from the affection flourish by my beloved sunshine cheer.

Nevertheless, I can’t see a right out of my many wrongs that sung me many depressing songs. Two wrongs don’t make a right and my many mistakes surely didn’t bring about happy moments and easy going rides. I could be optimistic about lessons learned and I can believe in how disappointment can eventually carry me to betterment. But what I need now is just some common sense to eventually take me forward to opportunities and good prospect of the imminent. Which is why I’m depressed. Common sense isn’t everyday typical commodity. It’s truly hard to come by and harder to grab hold. I’ll just have to stay strong in sanity to make good judgment out of sensible sensibility. I’m just thankful that at least now I have sunshine in certainty. The only right that I have now in my tangerine reality. Well ... maybe ...

Insomniac Pang

2005-09-20T03:30:00.000+08:00

Been slouching on the bed for hours trying to sleep. This tangerine is having problems sleeping again. The annoying headache certainly doesn’t help. The loneliness of the still quiet night amplifies the irritation unto agonizing heights. The consciousness of self can only bring about memories and thoughts that further induce mental lost. Lost for time and lost of self to the deprivation of the slumber kind.

Eyes shut but the mind opens to endless notions of joy, horror, worries and sorrows. It’s but a circus of emotions having a jamboree of commotion. It’s just me, myself and I with the full moon shining bright without sunshine by my side. In subtlety, loneliness creeps into a new manifestation that transpires even more lost and forlorn. We are never alone by being by ourselves. We are truly alone when we are accompanied by everything and everyone yet our heart and mind exist in a different dimension of space and time. I’m but a tangerine trapped in an inconceivable perplexing mime. A mime of boundless space within infinite escalating time, accompanied by demoralizing headache of the excruciating kind. Tears ardently convene a clichéd meaning to Ms. Mel Ancholy.

Sunshine Rate

2005-09-19T18:00:00.000+08:00

A weekend without sunshine can truly be lonely. And the fact that next week will be another week without sunshine certainly didn’t help perking up my cheery attitude. Its like locked in a room without any hint of sunlight. Emptiness can certainly be intimidating not to mention solitude. Even when one knows that it’s just temporary but the longing for each other are just two much to endure … even for just 2 minutes. And I’ll have to bear with it for 3 weeks. At our age, we certainly feel like teens in love. Yearning based on needs and craving for each other build upon desire. No rational or sensible judgment can separate our thirst for each others touch. We are just like kids, at least I thought so.

Never have I the notion of me tangerine able to turn into an aficionado of endless affection. Never have I craved for so much fancy and hunger for someone. Never have I ached for others discomfort and anxiety because of adore. Never have I discern the person I am now. Whether is it a good thing or an unhealthy warning, I seriously don’t care. Living the moment is heaven. Contemplation of what’s right, what’s wrong, what’s reasonable and what’s sensible are but worries of never-ending predicaments. I rather look forward for a future than to look backward rooting in departed nature. I can’t make sense of it all, I just … need.

Unquestionable, everything comes at a price. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned through my brief working existence and my pithy young adult life, it’s this – There’s no such thing as free lunch! Everything comes with a price-tag. The amount is relative but the cost is surely subjective. I’m old enough to realize that even love and affection is no gratis. Complimentary maybe but only by means of more adoration warranted. We love because we need to be loved and because we are loved that we love even more just to love. I can’t really describe my way of behaving now but I do know for sure, all comes at a price, even love. And from what I can ensure in certainty, my wallet is paying for the cost of love and my time relished on passion. My sky high phone bills are but outcomes of our passionate yearning for closeness … even if it’s just sensory of tender waves. Yet I know, it’s all worth it simply because the cost of love is subjective.

ROM

2005-09-18T12:00:00.000+08:00

Didn’t get to see my sunshine this weekend but I did enjoy the rather nice merriment of two lovely couple taking the big step of matrimony. Oh well … not the ceremony though but the logical succeeding stage after couple-hood. Yup, the Registration of Marriage. The significant pledge to being together in lawful and legal binding assurance. Where two unite in mutual expression of commitment to each other through outward manifestation of personal signature marked on officially authorized ROM document with a price tag of mere RM$140. I guess that’s a small sum to pay compared to the proper walking down the aisle and traditional Chinese dinner ceremony. But it’s never about the rites but what’s right in the hearts of each other. It’s a blissful apparent action to commitment, dedication and assurance. I wish you both everlasting bliss and I’ll definitely look forward to your celebration dinner next year. Cheers!

An Apple's An Apple

2005-09-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

Life is so much more livable during the old days. So much more less complicated and surely less hectic. Of course it is … I’m still young then. Very young and very innocent. Seems that every viewpoint perceived is rightly pure and uncomplicated. An apple is an apple and a hug is just a cuddle that makes you fuddle.

As life goes on and days go beyond, we forget about the in-complicacy of normality and ordinariness of our core philosophy. The philosophy of our principles, ideology and integrity. We probably believed in our good way of life as how we are thought and how notions of customary and religious uprightness is respected and reserved. That’s good upbringing from the time since gullible puberty. Yet somehow along the route of existence, philosophies are but viewpoint turned pointless and belief became certainty of lost and brokenness. We possibly no longer believe in what we hold and no longer trust in our judgment that we chose.

An apple is no longer just an apple. It could be of luminous lime green or pinkish red color sheen. It could even be the fruit of knowledge in the Garden of Eden else the source of Vitamin C to keep away dreaded doctors’ appointment. In any case, an apple is no longer an apple. The fact is that we grew, we developed and we experienced. We are but adolescent Eves that are tempted to sample the fruit of comprehension and transgression.

I guess the good thing is that we are no longer young and innocent. And as we get older, hopefully we get even more sensible and wiser. But the lessons in life must truly be learned through everyday vibes from day after day in our forthcoming way of life. Yet if we are to store our dreaded unwanted teachings of reality in our vast closet of archived guilt and remorse, we are but prisoners of our own shame not able to believe that one day we can grow up and face positively about our future coming days. To store and not recall the past are surely effective ways to overcome unwanted query and unwelcome face. But how long can we hide in our complacency of self-satisfaction of fantasy fabrication? We can forget but we can never beget our once painful soul to heal through mental neglect. The wound needs to be healed and nurtured and best shared with someone treasured.

I’m beginning to appreciate my wounds and scars. They reminded me of the mistakes and senseless deeds of my past. And it’s that heartbreaking sad reminder that teaches me to be strong and not blame myself personally because surely there is nothing I could do about it now. For each time I live side by side with my unwanted past, I grew stronger with my personal self-assurance and occasionally even have a few gawky laughs. Because there is nothing really funnier than be amused by our very own personal comedy of life’s humor. If we can laugh without guilt and shame, then we would have truly live a life of wholesome uncomplicated moments of cheerful exuberance. Everyone wants sugar, spice and everything nice – but it’s much nicer to have a life without remorse and annoying bygone flies. And much more bliss to have a significant other to share that painful reminder through thick and thin with appreciative cheerful tender.

So an apple can be just an apple. Why bother about whether if it has worms or is it juicy sweet to the core? Take a bite and we will know… for future is meant to be sampled.

Sunshine in Unity

2005-09-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

Affection can surely cloud our rationale for any validation of everyday pragmatism. We probably can’t think right when we’re in cloud nine appreciations. Well, at least that’s true for my case. For desire, I perhaps would sacrifice the whole lot… all in the name of love. And truly I believe that many will do the same too regardless of how much it will cost. Of detriment, compromising and pain - no matter what happens or might happened from uncontrollable dispersed of unfounded decisions made or satisfied. It’s when we ardor each other that nothing else really matters anymore. The moment of tenderness is all that present and reality of everyday till coming days are clearly absent. Certainly that’s so true for blossoming sweethearts happily smooching away in public parks as if they really exist in a people nonexistent twosome world. I guess treasuring the moment does make a difference. Pondering on future outcomes is better if not in attendance.

What’s special is never the act acted out upon. Surely the exchanged of fluids and touching of tender lips or even the stroking of receptive tongue is nothing semblance to sugary romantic. What are exclusive are two generous givers of passionate passion that ultimately transpire the action acted upon to be so special and desired. It takes two hands to clap because with a single palm the resounding reverberation of love will never truly be sound. So I believe when two embrace each other in sincere heartfelt unison, it’s our adoring hearts that senses the echo of loving tender ardor of appreciation. The emotions resonating so freely for each other in unity are truly an indulgence of delight. Even the holding of two hands brings about abundance of relishing blissful light along busy and crowded orchard stride. It’s never the act; it’s just skin to skin – feelings for each other akin.

So when sunshine embraced my every sensuality of emotions, the warmth felt are truly bliss. But only if you like sunny beaming sunlit bright cause sometimes we get scared of painful sunburn fright. Having too much of something does not necessarily equates to having plenty of good things. But not having an abundance of desired affectionate feelings is definitely aphrodisiac for endless cravings and yearnings. This is why we need each other so much to satisfy our longing. And even if it will cost everything to be together, it is still worthwhile to sacrifice my whole tangerine being. Because even if I have every single entity I always wanted in my humanity but without my sunshine perpetuity, I will feel like I have lost all completely. Because without my other half, I am incomplete.

Sunshine Walk

2005-09-08T18:00:00.000+08:00

I’m still in wonderment with my senseless unexplainable familiarity with my sunshine association and sweet twosome acknowledgment. At times I wonder if I really do feel that certain knowing and understanding of my sunshine even if my knowledge of our past ain’t consistent with our acquaintance and enthusiasm. We both feel the comfortableness together alike knowing each other for years yet we do not know much about our ancient past amid our brief history. Apart from what we let know, our information are but everyday summary of facts, reports and deliberation. Yes, conversation does bring two closer into eloquent comprehension. But can I in truth understand a person in totality of individual personality and charm? Similar to reading the bible, every word, every verse and every paragraph might bring us closer to knowing about God. But can we really discern and fathom Him in entirety through what we read or sermons we hear?

When I look up the clear blue sky with soft element of cotton-like clouds, I feel at peace with myself. When I see greeneries of endless vastness against the horizon of infinite oceanic sea, I sense hope. While the sun rise with breathtaking brilliance in the crack of dawn and rest with reassuring colors of insignia tangerine against warm evening ambiance, my heart is at ease with the heavens and my thankfulness for serenity is certain.

Now I’m even more excited with days ahead. Even if there’s never-ending predicaments of belabor and unwanted dilemma of pecuniary obscurity, I would want to endeavor and attempt for a future with sunshine forever. I desire bliss that every step I take, I’ll cherish them with eternal appreciation for the opportunity ahead. I can’t see my outlook, my imminent is surely vague. But my heart gives me strength to very well move ahead and let go of senseless worrying and abide with my every footstep … to make real my wish for a happy everlasting page. Maybe it’s that unexplainable familiarity that will eventually drive me to paradise. It’s because that I feel and I discern that I would want to know why. Why that familiarity and that comfortableness that one can have with that certain beloved person. What makes this tangerine cheery and hovering on cloud nine unison? I would want to know even if there’s absolutely nothing to know about. Surely life is full of surprises; good & bad, happy & sad and everything inside the magician’s hat. I’m just happy that I can stroll with sunshine over me and to this tangerine … that’s absolutely perfect!

Single Thought 009

2005-09-07T15:00:00.000+08:00

Single Thought 009 can be found on the Project Petaling Street: Blog. For previous archives, please refer to this page of PPS Bloggers entries. Single Thought entries are under the author tag – tangerine. Cheers :-)

Sunshine, Secrets & Sincerity

2005-09-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

I always see reality as what I reveal and bring to light in truthfulness and honesty to my surrounding. I don’t think that many people have really known me and actually know about my past. Surely some do know about what I do professionally, where I stay currently and even know about who I’m dating with presently. Yet apart from our apparent outward camaraderie, my tangerine familiarity between lemons and oranges are but what I reveal and make known publicly. This somehow makes it a fantasy for me. Surely what I do not tell, people do not know. Certainly what I wish how my live ought to be notice, it will exist the way I want it to be. Perhaps it’s just a self-made whimsy that everyone longs for but who can blame me for yearning a life of dreams and endless fancy. Surely no one can change the past which is why we need to hide our bygones and antiquities of lust. For everyone are but subconscious actors and actresses of a musical theater called ‘way of life, my fantasy and lies’.

For I yearn for sunshine day after day and night after night that I would not hide myself in my fantasy adobe of complacent contented dwelling site. It’s because I feel the need to bare myself all to sunshine that I should get out of my comfortable zone and be truthful about my past, present and future. Perhaps I do not want to carry my secrets and burdens into my future no more. Surely I want to treasure my present without my past haunting my sunny sky with a murky overcast of sadness and cheerless cries. Maybe it’s the need to have an honest and truthful relationship that I’m willing to disclose my complete whole. All for the desire of a future that I’m prepared to embraced through sincere thoughts, faithful bond and unpretentious association of everyday accord. I truly need a union that’s of fantasy realism but of everyday genuine reality of pragmatism.

I cannot force the sun to persist in shinning, I cannot stop the breezy wind from not ever blowing and I cannot stop the showery skies from freely pouring. I can only render sincerity and stripped myself from my past and embrace my current lovely surrounding and just hope for a simple straightforward new beginning. Without lies, without deceit, without falsehood, pretense and senseless deeds.

I’m still amazed by your willingness to give it a try and I’ll cherish you even more for that 2nd YES that's given to me so sweetly and caringly.

Sunshine Pending

2005-09-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

Sunny days are always nice but here approach moments of dismay when the sky becomes cloudy and gray. At times gloomy and occasionally dark and dreary. That’s when we know that the rain is coming and our hearts wishes that it isn’t a storm approaching. Whether heavy downpour or light drizzle mizzle, the end result is surely no sunshine to embrace and no glittering stars that sparkle.

Yar… as optimistic as one can be, I truly cannot be sanguine about having everlasting sunny days. By nature we get too windy days, stormy hours and icy cold bitter winters. So pessimism is dangerous cynicism so as to our skepticism transpire our sarcasm and criticism towards a better future. Indeed, we fear only because we cannot anticipate and foresee the yet to come that we so needed to calm us down. For fear triggers apprehension through our inability to instigate sheer comprehension. For what we cannot see that we sometimes refuse to accept as reality. For which I foretaste fear as a certainty to our belief of the approaching reality, alike knowing that the rain is coming right after the sun stops shinning.

On the contrary, the sun continues to shine and sunshine keeps on shimmering on other parts of space that I cannot see during our rainy moments. But it is good to know that the sunshine exist still whilst I relished the gift of rainy ambiance and watery moist foundation. Ambiance of rational planning and saturated perseverance as foundation to look forward for healthier expectations.

Yes, why not? Why not relish the rain if not gloomy vibes while we wait for the clearing skies. Certainly cloudy days will turn blue again whereas the sun will shine with much to be amazed. Surely showery hours will cease and much excitement and vivacity awaiting us to conceive. Clearly I’ve witness sunshine and willing to wait for my luminous rainbow glow, release via radiance of sunny light to showcase ardor to my tangerine night. Even this tangerine knows that every cloud has a silver lining. For every storm will come and go and I wish for each downpour to end with an awe inspiring colorful rainbow.

Thanks for your sugary understanding and sweet thoughtful support :-)

Sunshine Buzz

2005-08-31T00:00:00.000+08:00

Surely my past few days had been filled with plenty of sunshine and cheerful play. If voices alone can radiate rays of light, then surely I’m already sun burned from the sweet aural waves of endless soothing grace. Grace not of elegance and sophistication but of heartfelt loveliness and simple charm of verbal sweet embrace. Can sweetness be any sweeter and cuteness be any cuter? I have long realized that attractiveness are surely more than just skin deep. Superficial and visual beauty is by all means desired but nothing as abstractly mesmerizing and pleasing as a persons’ inner splendor. If in some way I could identify prettiness beyond physical attractiveness, then certainly I have seen joy prior to me tangerine smiling pleased. Seeing thrill, cheers and joy through the voice of perceptible adoring warmth. If I were to ponder on whether light itself be particle or wave, then surely I had witness the warmth of sunlight through sunny voice of lovely sweet audible phrase within element of beautiful sunshine face.

Sunshine Always

2005-08-28T08:00:00.000+08:00

It began with a faint glow from afar. Orange in color against a backdrop in the hours of darkness and endless horizon. It’s nice just lazing on a bench facing the sea under the trees with street lights and soothing gentle breeze. Both of us were amazed at the size of the moon in the distance. It would be absolutely perfect if it was a full moon but that smile luster on us was absolutely pleasant. A very huge happy smile indeed from the orangey moon as we relished the gentle wind alongside a rather quiet serene night.

I’ll probably never forget this very night for the reason that affections are so truthfully sweet and simple manner of thoughts are wholly expressed amid feelings of uncertainty, rational and obscurity of distance. Amongst our infinite phobias of fear and everyday insight of typical worldly wise, decisions made are indeed answers that will only induced questions of more ambiguity and endless improbabilities. A million possibilities and a zillion heartbeat of crazy sanity just to grab hold a clear reply of acceptance and sanction for mutual appreciation for tenderness and affection. Surely it’s the fun we have watching the cat duo running around playing hide and seek in our fancy caprice of senseless charade. Else, it must be the soothing and comforting moments we have together in quiet instance while embracing time and connection. I can’t believe that it’s way pass midnight.

Yet I woke up in the morning only to realize that I never did get an answer simply because I never did ask the correct question. An affirmation to the query by tangible attention can sometimes confused the rightful intention of acceptance. Acknowledgments to our heart are powerful firmness to the next step of mutual association. The serenity and comfortableness we have for each other are persuasive remedy to two easy going unpretentious simple heart. The magic of instantaneous response to acceptance can only be mystified by logical rational mind. It doesn’t even matter if circumstances around us are in chaotic amalgamation; we both truly know our hearts, our longing and our delight. I cannot see the difference between reality and my current dreamy fantasy. It’s like a dream indeed.

But if it was a dream, then it must be a dream come true for me. A dream of longing and desire worth daydreaming about. A reverie of passion and infatuation which is of importance and significance. A step forward together that is worth embarking even if it’s filled with undertakings and risk. We could only be optimistic and hopeful for better days ahead. I wish I could be at hand in every moment and nearby at every circumstance. Though my dream stays visible within my tangerine mind, my physical self is unable to continue the fantasy of everyday mutually. In which I feel awful of me to even trigger an adoration that is alienated by space and distance. I could only wish for this dream not turning into a nightmare of misery indefinitely.

Only the 8th occasion and it had led us to this infatuation of affection. However less the amount compared to all my fingers on both hands, I cannot deny that I felt 80 occurrences further and probably 800 years longer in companionship and friendship. Can familiarity only be resulted from substantial time and sizable information? I sincerely do not know. I just knew the forwardness and fluency of familiarity we have when together. It’s like we have known each other for years amid the reality of our limited dating livery. Surely that’s why we’re able to click. Certainly that’s a good start for some honest heartfelt bonding. Clearly it’s surreal understanding.

It’s having the feeling that your significant other might make you an even better person that one will look forward to existence. I might be wrong but only time could tell. To be able to reach thus far, I’m already surrounded by cloud nine ecstasies. I won’t ask for more as I’m absolutely contented with my present pleasant present. What else can a happy tangerine asked for? Surely, the ‘yes’ that comes with a cheerful smile, a shimmering face and a lovely sweet embrace is very well enough. I’ll indeed cherish my sunshine face... it's like having sunshine always.

Voyage of Desire

2005-08-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

I was just in a rush to get some stuff before I head back to my hometown. But unexpectedly, I gaze towards pure delight in a rather awkward spot. I have finally come across with plain tangible obsession that I can truly say that it’s more desirable than sex. The craving and yearning for ultimate fulfillment is so great I could literally feel it in my irrational core. I need it so badly. I’ve been looking for it ever since existence alike reaching nirvana. The numbers displaying from 1 to 7 are just so perfect. 7 is indeed the perfect number. The complete series from premiering season 1 towards the final season finale 7, right in front of me in unadulterated wholesome DVD 9 format. It’s like absolute ecstasy to this tangerine. Yet everything comes at a price, why am I not surprise? If salvation did cost Christ his life, then surely RM$340 for the complete Star Trek Voyager season 1-7 is surely painstakingly necessary for pirated satisfaction and gratified contentment. OMG! Should I spent 340 hard earn cash for my fancy? 3 minutes brooding, I walked away with an agonizing spirit. I told myself, I almost certainly need some protection before I start discharging my emancipation of desire. Oh God, have mercy on this tangerine...

Single Thought 008

2005-08-24T18:00:00.000+08:00

I always tell myself that a simple life is always nice. Nothing complicated, nothing complex and nothing dreary wry. Surely not everything in life has to be a multiplex of predicaments and tough resolutions. Then again, naturally we homosapiens are truly multifaceted beings.

The existences of individuality in us are but such intrigue uniqueness in common day commonness. Our so called ordinariness of independence with ourselves is but an excuse to what seems to be ignorance to the conception of individualism. This is why our egoism is perceived as self-centeredness and insensitivity amongst this society of so called friendly sociable and modest unpretentious minds. Which beget my notion of human identity in the direction of empty nonsensical words which cannot truly be grasped nor comprehend. Afterall, no one really understood anyone in totality for sure. If you have read till this sentence, you would realized that the prior 149 words are truly meaningless. I too have problems understanding my tangerine self.

Yet reading my own words are at least identifiable compared to dry understanding of my own feelings. I’m still fascinated at how I can adore someone so much that I can also hate them at the same time. I can yearn for such great longing for certain person and in addition willing to let go for the sake of their lifelong happiness. And I sometimes say that I love someone indefinitely only to realize that I love myself more than to sacrifice everything for love. For which I question myself, do I adore my condone detestation, desiring every freedom of infidelity as well as loving individuals for the intention of imminent self-satisfaction? If I were to optimistically rephrase my thoughts, then my decency would have transpire adoring love for my enemies, rendering selfless passion of unpossessive devotion and saying the three magic words only because I know that being with that significant other will make me an even better person. My insight of my existence is truly grey, neither black nor white. Surely my eyesight observing my self reflection leans to beauty in all ways possible. Then again, I rather identify autonomy alike playing the piano. It’s when I varied the fusion of both black and white ivory keys that I will result promising sheer music of desires. Afterall, most masterpieces are shaped by many notes.

Mind's Eye

2005-08-21T12:00:00.000+08:00

Started closing my eye while driving home after sending my cousin back. Yes, two heavy jelly discernments in progress of shutting down! It’s just after midnight but the fact that I wasn’t tired appears bizarre. I was just in the mood of assessment and thoughts. Considering ideas and reflecting on philosophies. Merely thinking and also endangering vehicle around veracity. Haa ... Ha ... Ha.

Receiving calls from client during dinner will execute such peculiar behavior to tangerines. The fact that my previous proposal was rejected were bad enough, it gets worse when they need a new one by next morning. Do people really deem me forever sleepless ceaselessly? Yes, I do have sleeping disorders … but they must be kidding me yar. I’m a good creative designer, not an almighty god of artistic ingenuity! No use complaining now, I’m that type of person that hardly confers NO as an answer.

But back to the closing of eyes. At first I didn’t even realized that my eyes were closed. Even if my eyes were open, I doubt I was actually gazing in front. Frankly, I could only see what’s in my mind. Actually, more like 70% bearing in mind of certain person and 30% on how on earth can I finish a new interior design proposal by 11am? The fact that it’s close to 2am didn’t helped. I got so drained from the endless pondering that I decided to just lose everything on mind and started calling someone. So I parked beside McDs.

What I cannot see in my thoughts where worse manifested in the voice of a tipsy sleepy mind. From a pretty intoxicated lovable accent that wouldn’t mind me being there beside one another at that very moment in time. I really wouldn’t mind too being next to but the fact that we are 330km apart does kill the atmosphere of simultaneous unison. I realized that people do talk nonsense when they are not sober. But I do like the verity that a person is genuine and sincere in expressing their feelings while under the ‘influence’. I also like the fact that she ain’t timorous in asking and articulating some rather silly possibilities. I guess alcohol does that to people. Inebriated frankness. I’m now regretting myself that I did not have more alcoholic kick before the call. I could have more inspiration for my design and possibly for my vague outlook of affection. I could only blame Ronald McDonald for not having a liquor license. Surely a DoubleCheese would taste better with some JD whiskey. Surely some sanity would be nice with someone beside in close proximity. Surely aspiration will complete if distant weren’t the complexity. Certainly blindness is more surreal than passing sightless obscurity.

Possible Answer

2005-08-19T19:00:00.000+08:00

Possible is the answer. So what is likely to be the probable potential promising question? The query of the uncertainty should be an achievable and viable subject of great matter and substance. Probably of great importance and significant to ones’ life and future. Expectations and opportunity with possible reservation of inquiry in subdued manner of reaction. Thus the reply in a simple ambiguous form of ambiguity with endless liveliness of apprehension. Not even sure if that is an answer at all cause this tangerine is surely mystified by perplexing form of aura insinuation. Hearing the word ‘possible’ brings me back to one thousand and one probabilities of post-mortem inquisition. Was my question not obvious and direct enough or was it too transparent and lucid beyond understanding? I’m possibly too tired to solve this infinite equation of fondness. It’s after all 4am in the morning. To be sane at such hour while dealing with unanswerable question and exchange answers of improbability is nevertheless awkward. Yeah, stupid question comes with a stupid answer. So an unlikely question will only push forward an answer that is possibly an answer of possible nature. I don’t even remember what was the question I asked … but I do know that the answer is possible. For me, that’s sufficient :-)

Saw a full rainbow this evening. What a wonderful display of colors. Though the sky was getting gloomy and the sun beginning to set, the rainbow is still visible. It’s always nice to see a complete half-round rainbow. What a splendorous way to end the day :-D

For One

2005-08-16T18:00:00.000+08:00

Getting very tired over my never-ending search for the perfect apartment. Today I can truly say that there is not such thing as a perfect apartment. At least not for 200K. Life is seriously unfair. An ideal place here in KL always comes with a price tag of way above 400K. It’s double my budget but never double the excellence.

Maybe I’m just being picky over insignificant issues. But I truly have an idea of what kind of dwelling I need. Is it too insistent to ask for a clean low density apartment surrounded by lovely greenery and quiet peaceful surrounding? Is it too demanding to even ask for a centralized location close to PJ and KL vicinity?

I don’t believe that money can buy happiness. But in my current realism, having enough riches for a flawless dwelling will be great. Possessing ample cash for meticulous renovation is definitely splendid. A winning ticket for tomorrow’s 6.6Million Toto jackpot will surely be bliss. Anyhow, what’s the purpose of buying a place if there is no one to share it with?

Quiz: What’s a good reason for a single to purchase an apartment for one? Answer: For-Loan.

Single Thought 007

2005-08-15T17:00:00.000+08:00

What do people see in their dwelling? If we are renting a room, is it the four-sided space itself more significant or the surrounding atmosphere that should be of more importance? Can exclusivity be the sole determination to good comfortable living or the uniqueness of simple magnitude of common lodging that is of essence to conviviality?

Individual preferences are truly complex and multifaceted in comprehension. Because at certain angle, it is still from the heart – the nucleus of affection trap between the mind, body and soul. Unbounded and illogically irrational at times. Will you choose a regular aged apartment room over a full facilitated condominium space? It’s like choosing between an ordinary uncomplicated guy over a stylish sophisticate wealthy chap.

So I see the choice for choosing a partner is very much like renting a room. To be frank, no one can really be 100% satisfied with their rented loft simply because it’s by no means their possession. It is when time matures that maybe two will come together in purchasing a permanent place and lives happily ever after. Meanwhile, fairy tale dreams are but fantasy. The reality for some – room to let.

But even choosing a room can be worrying and distressing. There is what you want individually and there is what the society perceived as what you need. I realized that most people yearn for exclusive and sophisticated garnishing but deep down their heart, they want very much the simple things in life. Little things like an unpretentious cheerful smile. A sweet reply that is worth giggling about. A sincere gesture of care and concern. A gentle hi and a tender bye. And there is nothing worth more that a cozy bed where one can snuggle and nuzzle in quiet peace within a comfy space enjoying his or her favorite read. So I guess timepiece, diamond and platinum are nice but nothing as lovely as a genuine interest in each others life. Even if it’s between you and the room.

Driving Forward

2005-08-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

It is so dark. So very very black. Not many vehicles in front of me. Just that few lorries on the left lane crawling up north. There is nothing much I could enjoy for a view in pitch black which is why I’m driving as fast as I could to reach home. About 320km away. I can see my speedometer at about 160km/h. Speed like this are way too dangerous for night driving but somehow perception and awareness within this tangerine are way too slow and sensitivity reaching zero. It’s past 12 midnight and I’m really tired. Thank God I’m not sleepy. But when there is nothing to distinguish past outside that one will feel really alone and numb within. I can only gaze where my headlamps are beaming on. Absolutely nothing except for the vacant highway route.

Yes, it’s very lonely to drive back alone after midnight. Neither sunrise nor sunset to admire. Boring, uninteresting and tiring. After the first hour, even the loud music can sound soundless indefinitely, no matter how loud one turns it to. Because the eyes concentrates on the journey but the mind wandering amongst issues of endless worries. Can we actually whimper over nothing? Apparently I can. We can even make an issue out of nothing. A love fantasy out of no affection and a tangerine out of a nonentity. There is sudden urge for yearning but a strong refusal from self for approaching that self-centered desire. Affection should not be selfish nor should it be a burden. Work should not be predicament if we truly enjoy what we do. Life should not be a yoke of worries. It is while we have nothing around us that we look forward for betterment. It is when we find some purpose in life that we journey towards it. Even if it’s a voyage of much sacrificial choice. We just wanna be happy at the end of the day isn’t it?

Lovely Saturday

2005-08-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

I was down Singapore again. This time, to meet a friend that I was very close with during my uni years back in Melbourne. It’s amazing how time really passes by without our knowing. It’s been about 6 years since I last saw him. And I’m glad that he hasn’t changed a bit. The same old young Bruce Lee look.

I’m happy for him because he’ll be getting married soon. We had a great time catching up and I have to say, Francesca … Tony’s soon to be beloved wife is truly lovely. He’s a lucky man. I just hope that I can make it for their wedding in Melbourne on Boxing Day. Well, I wish but at my current circumstances, I truly doubt so.

I’m beginning to feel aged…again. Another of my good friend getting married. And many more of my pals having kids and family. As for me, I could only enjoy my last remaining months of my so called twenty something in hopeless despondent. Okay … it’s not that bad. The previous few weeks were truly happy ones. Maybe it’s because I’m beginning to let go. To let go of a future that maybe I could never have. More like never meant to be. It is never easy having a heavy yoke along a journey of unattached feelings. The circumstances surrounding forces detachment … from responsibilities, prospect and even love. But I’m beginning to get used to it. Complacent might not be a good thing, but at least it gives temporary palliative relieve. Lets not worry about tomorrow as tomorrow will worry about itself … sure.

Tangerine Hope

2005-08-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

Up on a misty hill, over looking the brightly gleaming glint of unbounded residential lights. The illumination of street lamps, highways and household radiance with billboard bright alike the Osaka evening sight. Sitting upon a gentle slope of grazing land with soft breeze of zephyr gentle stroke in quiet silence night. The feeling of detachment from the outside haste is so soothing and serene as one overlooks the brightly lit district on a misty calm midnight. But is with the company of a sunshine smile that you realized that the night is truly bright because of that radiant glance with genuine laughter and heartfelt disclosure of personal thoughts. Unpretentious and honest plain-spoken dialogue between two lonesome unattached mind in moments of suspended time where as if the sun shines bright and stars twinkling with lovely shimmering light.

But in reality, it’s the forest fire haze that causes the foggy-like night. Silent it might be but with never-ending tiny undesired mosquito bites. The breeze is peacefully real though accompanied with sometimes shivering chill. Yet frankly, nothing really matters. Because easy-going carefree minds are perfect companions for endless gathering of cheerful chats, funny thoughts and even silly whines. It is really moment of such that I really treasure. It’s feelings of such that I really look forward too. So no matter how chaotic or confused this society befall, there’s always a smile worth living for, a face worth remembering and perhaps a hope worth endeavoring for. I have such great slumber for the last two nights. Truly peaceful rest that I’ve not had for sometime. Maybe that’s what hope does. It gives serenity to endeavor days ahead.

In Retrospect

2005-08-07T15:00:00.000+08:00

The whole week was absolutely horrible. It started with sleepless nights in the kick off. Then for whatever sacred reason, diarrhea came diminishing my balance. Ended up having more sleepless nights due to the stomach growling and endless toilet outing. And out of no where, something started growing on my left eye. The forest fire haze is not any help for my sensitive bad skin too. But lastly, couldn’t catch a seat on Friday’s Sunrise Jazz session really pisses me off. For goodness gracious, where did all these crowd come from?! Why a sudden interest in jazz? IS there a grand lucky draw I do not know about?

Well, it’s not as bad as it seems now that I have time to reflect upon my miserable week. Yes, not everything is bad. Firstly, my eye is back to normal today. The swell is gone. Thank God! … Anyhow, I also did manage to have a pleasant dinner with someone I’ve not seen for quite sometime. It’s not everyday I get to have rather interesting topics for conversation, so having someone fresh for a chat is rather delightful for this tangerine. Well, I can’t say the same for my date as I get the impression of boredom way up her sleeves. Felt bad too when we couldn’t get a seat at that jazz event though we ended up at another venue with even better live music. Nevertheless, to have that little gaiety still goes one better than crowded company. Another thing … her deep in thought look with that absorbed gaze is truly a puzzlement of stupefaction. What’s in her mind I wonder? Hmmm …

Surely today will be better. Sunday is always a good day. Though not much sun given that of the haze, cheerfulness with bright buoyancy smile might eventually perk up this rather bored stiff tangerine. That’s only if I get to meet that sunshine face to be exact. But speculating on the current misty sky, I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Surreal Waves

2005-07-31T02:00:00.000+08:00

Ahh …. Al fresco dining, cool breeze, Heineken, WiFi and live jazz. What else can I ask for? The progression of jazz in total visibility is truly serene. The rhythm of groovy bass lines, mollifying funky beats accompanied by soul pacifying expression of ivory keys and sugary trumpet… music to my ears. Truly rightfully fusion in its purest form. So fusion that is sounded absolutely abstract. To the point of nonfigurative for some I presumed. Its very much like listening to a foreign tongue, for those who can’t comprehend, they probably sounded like rubbish. It’s so sad to see audiences depart out of annoyance because it is genuinely melody to this tangerine. Sure, I have peculiar taste, even for music. Can’t blame them for not appreciating surreal waves. Either way, it’s just a matter of diverse cerebral preferences.

More jazz in the coming weeks ;-)

Denied Entry

2005-07-27T18:00:00.000+08:00

The eye closes and the sense of rest feels my imagination. The night so peaceful and the weather just fine. Nothing to hold back slumber land and nothing to prevent me from entering fantasy dreamland. Me and my smelly pillow and the moon smiling down like an envy gigolo.

Till my heart starts to pick up pace. A gradual ongoing urge to pump fast, then faster and quicker and stronger. I’ve not entered dreamland yet and certainly not having a nightmare bash. Can’t seem to stay asleep soothingly these days. I open my eyes and realize that I’ve only slept for less than 2 hours. Not even sure it was sleep at all. What’s happening to me? Where is this agitation coming from? I’m thrilled over some things but just can’t pin point the source. Now I’m in a blur. Is it excitement, tension or anxiety? Can unrest be realized even in peaceful slumber? I really don’t know.

All I can tell is that not able to sleep at the right time is so so weary. Because anyhow the body will go fatigued after long hours of starring at the ceiling. You stare and gaze while the mind speaks to the brain. Yes, unknowingly I’m talking to my own self. I’m having a conversation about life, soul and love with me tangerine. Sleep deficiency can really drive someone to insanity. But luckily insanity won’t last till 6.30. When I wake up in the middle of noon, time feels so wasted. I feel so wasted. Because nothing can be accomplished after 3pm. At least not much. Not very much apart from blogging.

Single Thought 001

2005-07-26T17:00:00.000+08:00

Some said love is when your sentiment towards another person is irrepressible. The uncontainable feeling of endless affection. The willingness to sacrifice altogether in fostering appreciation. A gesture of compassionate giving without asking for returns. Ho…Ho…Ho *LoL*

Why is it that singles love to ‘give’ when a promising other-half is at sight? (Well, generally…) They are not afraid to pour out their feelings for that person and certainly not stingy in discharging their wealth for moments of romantic engagements. Nothing is worth more than spending quality time in what I call “partner shopping”. We often put so much effort in shopping for the significant partner, to get our hands on what we desired. Buying ourselves out of isolation, maybe?

Women may not shop that ‘much’ but surely one might try out a million pieces and fancy none if the dress they’re looking for is just not found. While man will keep on changing cars until the perfect drive is there to supply them with constant high and envy eyes. So before contentment pops in, changing dates are as common as no-frills airlines, because now everyone can fly.

But if the perfect Mango apparel is stumbled upon, one will acquire and get hold of desire at whatever cost it takes. Because after all, the Citibank plastic is very well elastic. No worries yar, Bill doesn’t arrive till next month. Don’t wait till MegaSale because everyone will be eyeing on your favorite. Afterall, how many of you girls really like old stock cum sale items? Surely a perfect fit is still much preferred, as long as lady lovely doesn’t put on weight.

Weighing the fact that petrol prices are still going high and likely not going down anytime soon, having turbo and the ability to do only 6km/L is somehow making more sense than saving up for the endless dinners, cosmic flowers and Estee Lauders.(Geee…it does make sense) Blame the movie Initial D if you like but speed is all guys wanted in the process of dating. If finding a right partner is alike winning the race, then having a car that does zero commitment to hundred satisfactions in just under 4 sessions will be bliss. Afterall, when the car reaches the finish line, the driver gets to celebrate with champagne wine and liberal race queens in tiny bikini twine.

Didn’t I say love is when your sentiment towards another person is irrepressible?

Me PPS Blogger? maybe

2005-07-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

Haa…Haa! *LoL* My first thought was “Geee …. I’m going to be kicked-out! And like really soon!” And the interview thingy? Feels like applying for a job yeah. I love interviews …maybe it’s because I’ve never had one for so many years! And it’s always nice just ‘chatting’ even if you’re not fascinated at the appointment.

So am I gonna do well? Perhaps the question should be “Is it right for me?” … I really dunno. I have to confess that I “apply” out of curiosity and nosiness. Prying the mysterious you might say. A bored stiff tangerine making an effort to flee the orchard? But since I’m short listed, why not yar?

But the MovableType thingy? Geee … it’s really complicated compared to Blogger. Well, I guess this tangerine would just have to discover and be more “knowledgeable”. Nothing is impossible if effort is at hand.

I’m truly excited … well, at least I might enjoy the next 2 weeks to come ;-) even if I'm removed. Well seriously … do you really want nonsensical entries in PPS blog?

Tuneful Whimsy

2005-07-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

The song starts with the key of G. One major chord followed by a D on a F# bass and E minor tag on in a bit. C will be next before ending with Dmaj7. In hallucination I might say, 2 bars completed in unknowing realism. The subsequent 2 bars in rhythmic assumption. Those black and white keys are so illusive when your heart just isn’t there to strike in perfect accord. Not that I can really play but it’s always nice to amuse myself and enjoy the moment of self-fabricated falsified consciousness alike picking a faultless fruit in an orchard full of tangerines in the middle of autumn. Yet sometimes, call it fate or call it destiny … the inspiration might just be around the corner waiting for you with fervor anticipation of endless opportunity.

Everything is either black or white when confronted with the ivories. No grey matters and no colors of reality, just resonance of certainty and reverberation of infinite possibilities. It’s nearly midnight but all I can think of is daylight, rays of hope bounded by everlasting sunlight. So the first sentence of the lyrics, “You’re like sunshine to me, smiling cheerfully at me, shimmering all over me.” The feeling of composing is much more complex than words can describe… all I can tell is that the high of such moments of inspired stimulation of my long lost musical sensorial element is truly divine. Musical ecstasy of blissful sensitivity.

It would be truly lovely if that very moment was cherished with someone devoted to but as deceptive as the ivories misrepresent, the sun do not shimmer nor glitter and certainly smiles do not twinkle in the middle of the night with cheery shiny waver. Singing about the flickering stars would be a more logical thing to do in the hours of darkness but the heart do not always follow reason and sensory of mind might not discern the intuition of affection. I have yet to complete the song in totality. I have yet become a songwriter in entirety. I have yet a moment of misleading fictitious musical fantasy.

Gibberish Odds

2005-07-12T15:00:00.000+08:00

I find myself splurging out every single second I possess merely to experience the feeling of being occupied and being present in self-made animated hearty sense of worth, in the ritual of undertaking irrational obligation and undefined mission of social put together. In butchery of time doing a great deal about nothing and doing nothing worth of diligence with nothing on mind and much about nothing with absolute divine. Minutes wasted in thinking of what to do while developing minute details of wasted thinking in doing nothing thus never-ending procrastination of development. I’m so wasted. What a waste…

Maybe survival is so wasted itself that it has to impart some of its affliction on us. Only that some are lucky enough to be occupied by their endless activities of company that perception of insignificance has no effect on them whatsoever. Companionship is always there to blockade the blues, laughter loud enough to drown any whimper and zeal of infatuation strong enough to overcast any depression. Yet some still senses the rain and a few will acknowledges destiny. Speaking of rain, I hate the rainy afternoon these days … usually insinuate a nonexistent sunset. How meaningless can our soul be when we live by what we’re given…

If futile is the whole lot of unbounded living and limitless existence to life, then labor could be the key to positive optimistic involvement of impending awe-inspiring disappointment. How sadistic can life be when hopes are crushed by letdowns and failures exist in every corner when everything are going so right and every hour so soothingly perfect? You wished for a sunset and sunshine shines with sudden storms appear right before your eyes. Asked for a warm cup of coffee and it taste diluted and sour yet flawlessly fragrant. Green lights all the way from A to C only to be stopped by a police blocked at destination D. Approaching work in everyday monotonous route only to be blown to pieces just minutes before the next stop and hours after the celebration of sweet victory. Why is it possible that mental state can stay halted while the heart pumps in routine accord? Breathing air of contentment while exhaling sigh of cheerlessness. Seeing the splendor of the vast endless sky yet unable to forget the bygone of fondness once encompassed once upon a time. As weird as it might sound, maybe the beauty of life is everything but permanent. For permanent is aggrieved in total imminent. To live is not given, but a given probability. A probability of wasted time right after this period.

Sunrise Sunrise

2005-07-10T13:00:00.000+08:00

One of my best love events in KL! Live jazz at Plaza Mont’Kiara. And its free admission. Too bad that the whole place gets so crowded and noisy, it overwhelms the jazzy ambiance that is supposedly there. But who cares… it’s still a great place and a great time to enjoy jazz and fusion coupled with get-together jamboree and plenty of gossips with good old friends.

Palliative Delusion

2005-07-05T15:00:00.000+08:00

Is it possible for one to reset his or her own life every time when existence looks as if it’s hanged? The reset knob is forever my favorite when it comes to quick transient relieve. Push the magic switch and everything goes back to square one. Don’t think that it’s possible on my pathetic tangerine life but it sure is a must for all Windows users. All the same, most XP comes with a restart icon that doesn’t really work at times. When Ctrl+Alt+Del don’t succeed, apply pressure on RESET button. Hmmm….

In fact, it will be good if Microsoft can include palliative solution for all PC users too instead of bundling Messengers or unless Media Players. Something like Panadol would be good … Start-up screens should come with small prints of “analgesic used for fast, effective temporary relief of pain and discomfort associated with headache, period pain, colds and flu, tension headache, backache, muscular aches and other Windows related anxiety”. It’s surprising that GlaxoSmithKline have not brought into being Panadol for Windows users. They are like the prefect mix for all Microsoft Windows products. I reckon they should have Panadol XP, Panadol IE, Panadol Windows Mobile and Panadol Restart-my-sanity-before-this-tangerine-exterminate-its-useless-continuously-dangled-PC.

My Life's like Coffee

2005-07-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

Step by step I drag my bulk along the muddy trail, pace by pace I heave myself up pebbly slopes. The rest all behind me, God knows what they are doing? I have no patients to wait for them; they are just too slow for my liking. I continue my hike up the grubby trek on my own, so much peace, and so little disturbance. Such tranquility in the midst of bamboo shrubbery, wild foliage and unexpectedly, durian trees. My initial disposition of acquaintance with my new environment.

The wild durians are so tempting to the rest of the group. While they benefit from the free pungent taste of the spiky fruit, I press further to reach destination. My goal is to see the waterfall, and definitely not falling durians. It’s going to be noon soon and my working out with forest-rung is taking toll on my physical contentment. I’m so hot and sweaty I just want to plunge myself into the gush of tumbling stream. Hallucination of natural shower is all this tangerine can envision at that particular time.

Each step I robbed from my bodily rest, I can’t help but wonder why am I doing this? More like what’s the point? All those energy wasted just so that I can take a shower at some distant spot which the water might probably not be as clean as those of my apartment tap. I only have 2 hours of sleep the night before and I’m having a slight sore-throat. I wore the wrong shoes thus the soreness of blister upsetting my serene outlook of mother-nature. If all these agony are for nirvana, then I might be less grumpy. But what is the likelihood of paradise in Kuala Lumpur? I’ve never really heard of Sungai Lepur nor the existence of Ulu Langat Waterfalls. It’s not far from Ampang and Cheras, but it sure is ‘ulu’ (rural).

Isn’t living ironic? Everyone wants paradise, at least the feel of it in certitude. But pain and suffering is what most will encounter first before having the slightest idea of what they really are going to acquire. Worst still, ignorance does constantly bring about high hopes and expectation. What’s more awful is that God’s gift of dazzling mother-nature is often tarnished by selfish visitors and uncaring sightseers. Hence the anticipation of splendor and magnificence routinely draws to a disappointing sight which induced towards a rather inadequate sigh.

At that moment, I’m feeling my life’s like coffee. Loves the color, loves the aroma, ardors the warmth. Yet I can’t deny that it isn't bitter and occasionally bring about some sour aftertaste if it isn’t fresh. Have a preference for minimal sweetness to avoid blemishing of the bold full flavor. Seldom involve milk otherwise the nutty roast tang is lost. Have it cold and it taste insignificant. Over indulged and the caffeine will surely wake this tangerine up to mortal reality. Do you know that too fine a grind will cause bitterness and too coarse a grind will produce weak flavor? The right grind for coffee beans is significant. It would be nice if someone will brew me a good cup of coffee from the refreshing gushing water of the waterfall … wishful thinking.

Dodging Affairs

2005-07-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

Mum is increasing her understated displeasure on my singlehood lifestyle yet again. Ever since my last unsuccessful association with double act twosome, she has been giving me weird ideas on where to meet potential other half. My mum has long been pestering me to attend church so thus the vivid idea of soulmate hunting within the holy temple emerged. Apparently she thinks that she can actually kill two birds with just one stone, sure … but what are the odds? Am I really that desperate to settle down? What’s wrong with casual dates, friendly meets and mamak joints?

Perhaps it’s because I’m not getting younger and besides, she’s too getting older by the day. All of which are reasons for her apprehension and fret. Maybe she desires to set eyes on me getting married or even be a grandma before she departs this life. Her desperation certainly outweighs my enthusiasm. But why am I still not married? And why am I still going solo? For reasons unknown, I can’t explain and I certainly despised the pressure of responding to mum, and dad, and aunties and uncles and the neighborhood of never-ending probe. As reluctant as I can be, replying them with stupid witticism has never failed to amuse my spectators with disorientation. Surely answers like these will stop them from asking more …

I drive potential partners crazy. Quite literary - to a certain degree. The way I handle the steering wheel won’t positively provide a cheery ride for any of my feeble sweethearts. Rejection frequently comes before this tangerine can shift to third gear, undeniably brief. Dating mileage ain’t exactly efficient with my ‘Pak Tor’ tank. And I’ll continue talking about how fuel efficient my car really is…

Or maybe security ain’t my core business. It seems that an important establishment for any life long partnership should consist of the ability to provide protection and a dependable sanctuary for the impending family. I’m still not sure on what they meant by “impression of insecurity and uncertainty” but it sure looks like it’s printed all over my name card. Then more dialogues on how bad my business financial situation really is…

Perhaps many are still uncertain in stipulating this tangerine as a he or she. Nevertheless, some presuppose that I have the gift of sheer queer vision but generally presumption bares the way to cynicism. So I guess straight personas aren’t mesmerized by the tangerine aroma if the after scent is perhaps fishy. At the end of the day, it’s still a superficial humanity. Further verbose babble on dating lesbians and being gay…

However the way I gag, my lemons and orange relatives ain’t amused by those replies. They find them merely as excuses. Excuses for not putting effort in any relationships, excuses for not being devoted in building bonds, excuses of plain laziness in carrying the yoke of responsibilities - so they say. Even my mum agrees. But who would want sugar, spice and everything nice if involvement associates to excess calories, aftertaste of pungent peppery tang and possibly contaminated with unmanageable emotions of insensitive bye byes?

I presume that no one can really settle down unless he or she en route for and are prepared to do so in commitment, dedication and devotion to one another. Perhaps it’s never about meeting the right person in life for matrimony. Bliss is likely more feasible if marriage is about two people making life right in harmony, regardless of whether the other half is truly right for you – indefinitely, ceaselessly and eternally. Or maybe matrimony just isn’t an aphrodisiac to tangerine certainty. Isn’t that silly…

Tangerine at the Bash

2005-06-24T22:30:00.000+08:00

Surely I was half dead when I arrived at the PPS bash. Reached KL at 4pm from Johor and sleep deprive while leaving out lunch wasn’t exactly the therapy for a happy party tangerine. Maybe that’s why I spend the first few hours enjoying the rather comfy couch by the door rather than mingling around, damn anti-social I have to say. My big fat ass is just too tired to even be in motion for any notion of commotion. I was contented just chatting with the “petrified” shy girl after having shook hands with Adam of 8tv. He asked if he knew me? What a stupid vain question …

Then I saw the word “Liz” walk passed, on a bright fluorescent orange name tag most bloggers are wearing. The tangerine has at last met Messy but without the bright golden toupee that I was so eagerly awaiting for ;-) Well, at least I got to hear the ‘magic’ word from her own lips, softly that is.

The half hour wait for my lamb shank was typical for a bash of such but I guess the bitter beer is enough for supplying me empty calories to stay energetic. More doses of verbal caffeine to help me stay conscious from information flow with Messy and Empress Callista while waiting for our food. Well … at least mine came first and I have to say, the lamb shank is really delightful but the vege soaked with lemon juice ain’t really my liking. Nice place to have an al-fresco dining experience too. Will certainly pay a visit back for a second time.

So the night went on and on with greetings from bloggers I knew from the previous meet at Mid-Valley, awards announcements and ended with the PPS B’day cake. Geee …why the cake is so small and the candle is so long? Maybe Eyeris have the answer …

Generally speaking, I didn’t meet much new bloggers and definitely did not capture many Kodak moments. Perhaps there’s better existence in having an imaginary mysterious and enigmatic life where people identify you as a tangerine, rather than a dumbfound “You are Charlyn !!!???”. Seems that the bigger the meet, the less I’m prone to be ‘sociable’.

I think my best jiffy moment for the night was seeing TVSmith for the first time. Holy gracious me!!! Did he just got electrocuted by his own tv set? I was looking forward to someone princely fine-looking … like PeterTan!

Feels like Gotham

2005-06-22T17:00:00.000+08:00

Was caught in a rather knotty situation settling my vehicle road tax today. How can such a straight forward process be so complicated!!!

JPJ simply refused to renew my road tax because I have an unpaid ticket under their computer records. A “saman” from the POLIS under my personal identification number. Now, I get plenty (like a lot :-p) of speeding tickets which isn’t that unusual for me yar but this one is different. It’s a ticket for a car registered in Perak! I’m from Johor yar and my vehicle is proud to have a Johor plate!!! (with lots of 8 …hee..hee)

Whoever owns motor vehicle AEL 4613 and I hope you’re not using a fake IC with my identification digits … I’LL GET YOU FOR IT !!! I’ll turn fear against you and you will know FEARRR …. (ok..too much of Batman).

Anyhow, for goodness me … I have to buy myself off just to get my registration done ... ooppps … I shouldn’t have said it …. But who cares. Now I have to drop by the police traffic department to lodge a report and iron out the circumstances. I hate doing redundant drudgery…#$%@!#!!!

If anyone has any clue on where or who owns vehicle AEL 4613, let me know yar. No one messes with this tangerine!

Of Sunrise, Sunshine & Endless Lime

2005-06-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

My journey down Singapore this morning wasn’t a pleasant one. A straight forward trip down south that’s out of harm's way but lacking the cheery sky and devoid of morning sunrise high. Driving at the crack of dawn, nothing much alongside trucks and busses other than creepy-crawly bugs attempting suicidal discharge on your windscreen in protest of my over zealous right foot act. Plenty of gluey slime to block your vision and help one to forget that there’s no sunrise ahead, just gloomy sky.

A melancholic morning always tag along a rather nice afternoon that’s not too hot. A rather nice weather to spend quality time outdoor without blistering sun. Walking the dog to the nearby park or just taking a dip in the empty afternoon pool. None of which most people will do in the middle of a working week day and me got no dog nor can this tangerine float on water. All I did was waste a few hours to sleep in my rather cheap sleazy motel room in JB before heading over the causeway for my dinner plans.

Who would expect a roll of hawker stalls on the renowned ‘durian’ performing arts center in Singapore? Supposedly the best from all over the Lion city put together in pleasing fussy taste-buddies to gastronomic desires. Affordable, enjoyable, cooling and glorious view by the river. The venue - Makansutra Gluttons Bay @ Esplanade. Over-priced clean hawker food or just plain pleasurable displacement of culinary arts?

The Ikan Pari Bakar & Lar Lar are good and fried oysters with egg – splendid. Char Kuih Teow – fragrant. The barbeque wings? juicy nice. But lastly, the company there that makes up for the lack of sunshine today - fine. Hmmm … got to know a new friend too. Fresh sugarcane juice - $1.20, Grilled Sambal Stingray - $15, Lime (Limau) sprinkled ALL over the dishes that eventually induce my bowel movement to warp drive – Priceless? or senseless? If there’s such thing as citrus intolerant… I’m plagued by it, dunno why. Limes and lemons ain’t bliss in my tummy while having infinite fluid dissipating out from my tangerine backside ain’t witty funny either in ending my rather lovely journey. Bleh.

Looking Forward

2005-06-18T22:00:00.000+08:00

Well … I’m like a week late but its still worth noting that the bloggers meet in Mid Valley Megamall on the 12th was great! It seems that some are looking forward to a tall pretty long-hair young woman probably dressed in a body-hugging tangerine baby-T or something … well, sorry to disappoint, I’m tall but I ain’t pretty ;-) I prefer denim with short hair.

Peter is a nice chap and Desmo is really a funny guy. I feel so old after knowing Jayelle’s age. Mystiq’s a beautiful life in the making and Eyeris ain’t seeing an attractive book sitting in front of him. De Book Worm could be my mother-in-law …Haa..Haaaa. Suanie isn’t that bubbly but her friend is seriously fizzing with some really good feng shui bearing. IreneQ looks really smart and Jeff’s got the camera I always fantasized having. Many more to mention but I’ll pass, sorrie … will see you’ll again this coming PPS birthday bash yar ;-)

So who’s the girl with the naked back on the profile section? Her name is Naomi. I drew her many years back during my uni days. One of those life drawing classes which I have never failed to attend. The banner on top? OK, that’s me and my sexy lips *LoL*. A picture I took when I was form 5. Yup, still young then. And why Charlyn Tangerine? I have never tried and it isn’t my intention in pretending as a girl yar! I guess it just came spontaneously or rather impulsively while I was registering for blogspot. My first blog was titled as ‘my Tangerine tree’. And having tangerine as my last name is kinda unique. My name ain’t a match for tangerine and Charlyn came to my mind. So why not? Charlyn Tangerine, living amongst lemons and oranges. Corny huh?

For those who have tried messaging this tangerine on Yahoo will know that I’m no pretty girly girl. I don’t tell untruths on Y! Kinda sad too cause most ‘guys’ are less enthusiastic to chat once they know that you’re a Charlie instead of a Charlyn. I guess that’s life.

This coming Thursday should be even more exciting with such a big response. It’s always nice to meet new people. I’m just wondering, with such a big crowd … how to have quality time in knowing each person better? I guess knowing ‘all’ will be too big an optimism. Geee … knowing 10 will be rather good liao, huh? I’m still having trouble remembering names from the previous bloggers meet :-D

Not Much

2005-06-05T15:00:00.000+08:00

My previous entry was two months ago. Incalculable affairs, unbounded issues and immoderate commercial nonsense, my reasons … my excuses. So much to blog about but so little substance of significance, I ended up just reading others. Here I am at coffee bean, appreciating temporary wi-fi divinity, still having the dilemma of attaining everlasting broadband nirvana. Deprive still of sweet normal bloggers right of entry to everyday presuppose convenience of cyber entrance. Well, at least coffee is good today.

PPS 2nd anniversary birthday bash … interesting, appealing, desirable … my chance to meet more lemons and oranges. Love to be there, if time permits … if my tangerine mood swing is within reasonable limits. Maybe will try to manage Peter’s bloggers meet on the 12th, first… before laying down higher hopes. 23rd … Thursday …Hmmm.

Bravura Americano

2005-04-04T02:00:00.000+08:00

Even though I had a not so great week, I kinda managed to attain a pretty decent excuse to have myself a good weekend instead of dwelling home for more work. Just some ‘reward’ for my hard labor I guess. Yeah, even tangerines needed a break from the everlasting pandemonium.

So after the usual running around on Friday, I decided to drive down south … to Singapore in the afternoon. I was actually just planning for a trip back to my hometown Batu Pahat but I suppose a short occasion to visit good friends for a day or two wouldn’t hurt. Anyhow, it’s only an hour drive affair from BP to Singapore. Anyways, someone promised me tangerine a nice dinner for my belated birthday ‘remembrance’. Well, a month spaced out apart can’t really be considered as a belated b’day celebration but … why bothered? Dinner is free and I’m happy that there’s good coffee ;-) And some pretty cheerful faces to have down pat. Sunshine, sunshine and more sunshine.

Interestingly, while visiting some other friends in Johor Bahru … guess what? More birthday celebrations! Two to be exact. Of course, not for me. I’m just tagging along this pal of mine to parties. Who cares if I do not know the birthday boy and girl … what’s important is that I met new folks plus free karaoke, free beers, free cakes, free supper and a wonderful free lunch with fine black coffee.

Notwithstanding, back home in still great. Free non-stop naggings from mum and able to enjoy some cool groovy time surfing. It’s amazing that I can be happy even with this slow dial-up connection. It’s no broadband but I’m nevertheless contented. Just realized … It’s the ‘Ching Ming’ season now and the world is lamenting for the passing away of Mr. Pope. Hmmm… Maybe tomorrow will be a even better day.

Lord! I thank thee … (for the great weekend that is to say)

Sully Coffee

2005-03-29T12:33:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought my life was at its peak of misery and max out despondency, more agony and misfortune forewarn my reserve neurosis phobia of self-consciousness. I suddenly realized, become conscious and fully comprehend that I’m nonentity and no way near suffering.

Maybe God have strange peculiar ways in influencing the way people feel about existence. Eccentric out of the ordinary approach in rebuking self-centeredness and egotism. When insensitivity grows and selfishness inhabit, the Almighty never fail to smack me hard behind my over large outsized cranium.

I hate him I dare to say and hopefully I can successfully publish this very entry before I’m thumped down by devout lightning. I’m already living in a mess, working more than I know how to rest and emotionally very very depressed from my minor car accident yesterday. My poor 8 month old pearly black. My poor poor soon-to-max-out plastic cash. My life as erratic as catastrophe, calamity and sad sad mishaps.

Living Disparity

2005-03-20T19:30:00.000+08:00

A new mode of living, one week devoid of blogging. New route to take while driving home and foreign reverberation of stillness whilst trying to fall asleep within my new-found loft. Nothing is the same anymore. Weird but somehow wonderful. In some peculiar ways…

I’m no longer as free as I could be. Clients are beginning to call and potential projects are under discussions. It’s those instances where nothing is established but plenty of preposterous negotiations and bullsh*t. Can’t people just get straight to the point? What’s there to negotiate when at the end of the day it’s all about cost cutting? I could save so much time by not revising my quotations and amending my proposals.

I’ve done so much the pass week after my relocation. Don’t know why but everything seems to come all at me at the same time. Besides cleaning up the place, I’ve even painted my yard. Painted it white to match my washing machine and for that ‘extra light’. Supposed to paint my living room today but I guess I was too tired after the week of hushing and rushing. It’s nevertheless fun to shop for house-wares and accessories. I just hope that I’ll be as happy then when my credit card bill arrives. Anyhow, besides shopping and spending lots of time entertaining my ‘potential’ clients, I’ve even attended a wedding dinner yesterday. I’m glad that a good friend that I’ve not seen for years however still remembers me. Even though I was informed like 7 hours before the wedding dinner, I somehow manage to find time to be there. Small world too, even met some pals I’ve known in Melbourne years back.

Anyway, so much to do but so little time. Maybe I shouldn’t geared myself into DIY my new place all by my own effort. Nonetheless, will still try. Just bought me tangerine some really nice curtains and curtain tracks from Macy. Will install the tracks tomorrow and hopefully have the french pleated curtains up by night. Kinda weird having myself walking around my apartment semi-naked without any screening whatsoever. Well, no one’s looking I guess, my whole block of apartments are practically empty and without inhabitants. I’m only one of the few. I think …

So my life is different now. I no longer spend hours in front of my computer blogging and reading blogs but numerous moments in typing up proposals and quotations. No longer spending boundless time shopping for Ts and bottoms but rushing around sourcing for DIY tools and household items. No longer enjoying the luxury of unlimited broadband access at home but having to spend Rm6.50 for a cup of coffee in Starbucks for using its WiFi services to download my emails. No longer know what a comfortable home is like but somehow treating IKEA as my second home. Perhaps I could do with less time roaming around there. Ideas from IKEA are really getting stale. I’m running out of coffee and I’m wondering where this tangerine can get a nice orange cushion with pleasant oriental motifs. Hmmm…

Reconnected

2005-03-13T14:00:00.000+08:00

Finally got to check my email this afternoon. At Ikano Power center that is … thank God there’s WiFi. I’ve only been deprived from the cyberworld for only 2 days and it actually feels like hell. I’m wondering … can I still live without the need to go online when I retire? Anyhow, it’s too earlier to think about retirement…

The new place is downright boring. Guess what? I realized that I do have a TV antenna cable thus I have no way of entertaining myself with even the local channels. The TV is nicely displayed on the living room but without a purpose, maybe just to collect dust in the coming days. I think I better go find myself a cable soon …. Hmmm, Harvey Norman is just in front of me … why didn’t I think of that?

Anyhow, I’m glad this few days I’m pretty pre-occupied with friends coming down from Kuantan. In fact, I’m so pre-occupied that I have not even started to unpack! I’m so terrified with packing that maybe now I’m having the phobia of unpacking the whole lot. Maybe I’ll just leave them in the boxes … maybe.

Just when I thought existence couldn’t get anymore worse, my mobile phone finally gave up on me yesterday. Isn’t that great? No TV, no cable, no fixed line, no internet and no mobile coverage whatsoever. Seclusion from the medium of communication. But to think about it, it’s kinda peaceful for a split second. Me, myself and I enjoying the view from my apartment without the interference from the outside world. It actually feels refreshing after days of hurrying and rushing to relocate. Nevertheless now, I’m feeling bored … which is why I needed to go online again :-) To reconnect …

But somehow life has its own irony, my laptop is running out of battery.

Till Maroon Do Us Part

2005-03-11T02:00:00.000+08:00

This could be my last entry for the weeks to come. I’ll be shifting tomorrow. Moving to the stone age that is. The age where Telekom claims that there is no available phone line for installation at my area thus no way can I use the dial-up services to access the internet. Obviously no broadband access to go online and no way to entertain myself devoid of cable TV (Astro). I could amuse me tangerine by watching the local stations or somehow play with my own shadows during the night. Maybe drop by Starbucks for some free WiFi that’s rated by a cup of overpriced coffee. Anyhow, this tangerine will be ‘enjoying’ itself somehow in the coming days … maybe.

I will hate you indefinitely, Telekom … until you start providing phone services in this new area I’m dwelling!!!

So till we meet again people …

Hanging Around

2005-03-09T00:00:00.000+08:00

It’s official. I’ve got altogether 121 clothe hangers in used. So? You might ask. Well, I’m a peculiar tangerine. I have the habits of hanging all my clothing. Yup…every single piece, both top and bottoms … even towels. And why am I counting my hangers?

I’ve been stepping up in packing and organizing all my personal belongings to get ready for my move this coming Friday. Just completed boxing all my clothes. Have been stuffing, filling, wadding and grouping since Sunday morning. Don’t know why but the more I group, the more and more items keeps emerging. I’m still in awe how on earth I managed to have all these things with me. I’ve only been in KL for 5 yrs. Anyway, I was bored and tired. While taking a rest, I started counting my hangers. I was so amused that I decided to blog about it.

So back to my clothing. It’s not anomalous to have 121 pieces of garments, outfits and attire right? Surely some of you out there have more. If bath towels to be counted, I’ll have altogether 133 items, not including undergarments and stockings of course. I remember I started with only a medium size luggage 5 yrs ago. Geee…….

Oh well … back to packing …. *feeling grouchy :-(

Belated Cake for 2

2005-03-06T01:30:00.000+08:00

Okie… had my first experience with Chili’s this very night. Yeah, I’ve never been to Chili’s Grill & Bar till tonight and yes, my very first time at the age of 29. Don’t ask me why but I suppose I’m more of a Friday’s fan than nachos.

Firstly, I wasn’t impressed. Frankly, ‘bad’ is too fine a word to complement their assistance because waiting 15 minutes for a table when the place isn’t full is bad customer service. I’m particularly referring to the one in 1U. Furthermore, the washroom is outside the restaurant. I kinda hate that. They are surely right about “Like No Place Else”. Finally, I do have to admit that the food is fine but coffee is downright awful. And guess what? My cup comes with a very nicely noticeable lipstick mark on it. Geee… Are some waitresses hitting on me?

Well, complains aside, dinner with old school pal is unquestionably pleasant. We finally got to celebrate together our birthdays. I was referring to Wees which birth date falls on the day after mine. And thanks to G&PP, we had a very nice marble cheesecake which 6 of us certainly can’t finish. I pity them too for having to maintain it for 2 days (supposed to have it on Thursday but we post-phoned the meet). Also, really appreciate YW’s availability to spare a few hours to join us even when he needed to rushed back down south late tonight. Now, will surely try to do this more often as G&PP had promised to introduce more of their single contacts to us indefinitely. All we needed now is an excuse to have another ‘social’ gathering for more snigger and laughter. Hmmm … maybe we can try to celebrate April fool’s day.

1st day being 29

2005-03-04T12:00:00.000+08:00

What’s the worse thing that can happen to you on your birthday? Besides your mum not remembering the day, in addition to having cancelled the supper party because some of your old pals are stuck in out-station appointments and practically nothing to do in the late afternoon since most people work till 6pm these days?

Well, to my horror… my mobile phone suddenly went crazy on me tangerine. Keeps showing ‘no network’ error message! Can’t make a buzz and won’t receive calls. Couldn’t be Maxis since people walking around me are happily chatting away with giggle and chuckles. It’s seriously frustrating and aggravating! You’re alone in the mall and no one can contact you whatsoever. Not even receiving a birthday sms message. Worse still, supposed to meet some folks for dinner but had yet to confirm the exact eating place but luckily we did agreed on which mall to head to. For that short 30 minutes, one can suddenly feel so alone and isolated in unclear ways. You’re just there wondering and wandering. Anyway, I’m glad I did bump into my friends somehow. Thank goodness the mall is small and Thank God It’s Friday’s Jack Daniels chicken that will eventually cheer this tangerine up.

I was hoping for a great day, a happy and cheery one on my birthday. The morning sunshine was great, and noon was splendid too. Had a nice meal with this certain sweet person that is kind enough to sort of delight my centennial lunch even though our acquaintance is still in mint condition. Thanks for availing your time. (you should know who you are :-)

So I guess a bad 30 minutes out of the 24hour period is not too unpleasant for a birthday isn’t it? At least I did not spend it alone with myself right? I’m glad I still have nice friends. So celebrating this day as a ‘single’ isn’t that bad after all. I even have an excuse to buy a brand new phone for myself now (ironically, I blogged about not getting a new phone the day before...anyways). So tomorrow, not only that this tangerine is going to have the post-phoned B’day supper gathering, tangy is going to start hunting for a nice small nifty handset and preferably orange in color too!

29 today, Hip Hip Hurray!

2005-03-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

Have been roaming shopping complexes this few days trying to find a really nice gift for me tangerine. There is probably 101 items that I would really really love to have. I would definitely buy myself 101 pressie if they’ll come with a price tag of RM0.02. And that’s my 2 cents.

I was actually thinking of the ibook G4 that messy so so wanted, or maybe the cheaper Mac mini? The finishing really looks great to me. But why would I want a mac? Plus my current Dell Inspiron is perfectly intact. So maybe a PDA I thought. The O2 Xda ll mini looks great too. But it’s like RM2700 and without WiFi! Might as well buy a new notebook for a little $$$ more right? Then perhaps I should change my mobile phone as mine is more than 3yrs old already. It doesn’t even have color screen nor camera function. The good thing is that it’s small. Ironically, small enough for me not able to find a suitable replacement against it. I just don’t understand why phones are getting bigger and bigger these days. In this case, I ain’t changing my phone till someone decides to produce a camera phone smaller than what I have now. Besides, do I really need a camera phone? I actually carry my digicam all over places you know; it’s quite small and portable. Anyways, I eventually gave up trying to buy myself all this tech stuff. Told myself I have to stop buying items that indefinitely become obsolete within 6 months. There are better ways to spend money ya? Or should I order a piano from lisan? Hmmm...that will be the day...

Speaking of money, I probably need to save up as much as I could now for my renovation plan this June. Can’t buy expensive b’day gift for me tangerine sucks! Still, I’ll make up for it middle of this year for my new loft. I guess this few months I just have to learn to ‘control’ my spending. Sulking.

But I’m glad I did manage to find something interesting that I like. In fact I bumped into it, literally … clumsy me. In MPH in fact. Nope, it’s not a book, I’m not a reading type of person, more of the magazine class. But anyway, this is what I bought myself this year for my birthday. Cost me less than RM80. Well, at least it won’t burn a big hole in my wallet. And if I’m really fervent, it might do well for my posture, flexibility, suppleness and even increase my energy levels. (ok…that’s taken from the box actually) After all, RM80 is still cheaper than hiring a personal trainer for an hour in Fitness First. And it won’t go obsolete! Okay, enough of all these nonsense. What else can I say? Happy Birthday to ME tangerine! 28 yesterday, 29 today, Hip Hip Hurray!

8 today 9 tomorrow but ain't 0 yet

2005-03-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

I think I’ll just caress my last day of being 28 in stillness, in deliberation of pass existence and in awe on how much my appearance had changed over the years. Being 29 isn’t that bad I supposed. If life starts at 30, then surely my nonsensical tangerine life has yet to begin…isn’t it?

Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless. Ecclesiastes 11:9-10 (NIV)

Fur Anyone?

2005-03-01T13:00:00.000+08:00

A video clip I got from a friend. Broadband needed because it's a big file. Just click play if doesn’t autostart. Senseless killing I would say. Gruesome scenes so viewers discretion advised!

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Aching Sale

2005-03-01T01:00:00.000+08:00

My agent has finally got some people to take over this place I’m renting at the moment. I guess it’s a good thing for my landlady, this way she would not lose any rental to any further extent. Maybe just for a month as the commission for Mr.property agent. However, this would mean that I will definitely need to move out by 15th March. And I’ve only just started packing. I’m not even sure that 2 weeks is really enough for this tangerine. I just have too much stuff!

I’m still deciding whether to bring over my current old furnitures to my new rented place. My 3+2+1 sofa set and coffee table, TV cabinet, 6ft office table and chair, 2 storage cupboards, 2 6ft book shelf, 7-piece dining set, kitchen console and stove, double door fridge, a front load washing machine, all my pretty yellow curtains and my cozy double bed spring mattress; OMG! Is it possible to get rid of all these items to spare me from the transportation hassle? As sentimental as I can be, I know that I would need to part with them sooner of later. Frankly, I want new furnitures in my new place middle of this year. So might as well I relieve myself of all these old items before more relocation problems arises.

Luckily, the soon to be new occupants are really keen on buying over some of these bits and pieces. I was hoping that they could buy them all but I guess they probably couldn’t afford it as they just started working for not too long. Well, I do empathize with their predicament as I used to be in that stage formerly, during my first few years of employment that is. Which is why I have no choice but to offer them those things at a really ridiculous cheap price! Everything is like half-price or less. Frankly, at the rate I’m proposing to them, they could be selling them off at the local pasar malam and almost certainly still make a profit. Hmmm… to think about it, maybe I’m not thinking right. My 1 year old sofa set for RM300? Geee… can I still take back that offer? Bummer. I should have put up my second hand stuff on this blog first, maybe I can sell them at a higher price? Hmmm… maybe. Anyone interested in second hand furnitures?

Younger by Lunch

2005-02-27T18:00:00.000+08:00

It’s a good Saturday I would say. Woke up early enough to drop by the gym before meeting some old high school pals for lunch at IKEA. Great free flow of good quality coffee and on the house for IKEA card members. And that’s all the satisfaction this tangerine needs. RM3 worth of unlimited caffeine overdose.

Anyhow, I was surprised that some of my friends had never been to IKEA for neither lunch, tea nor dinner. Hasn’t anyone not tried the Swedish meatballs or the famous Danish Daim cake? Well, apparently yes and that really cracks me up. For those who had not had their chances having lunch or dinner in IKEA, do give it a try. I bet you people won’t regret it. I particularly like the poached salmon with chive sauce and fresh broccoli couple with a double shot espresso. Two thumbs up. Drop by the Pet Safari @ Ikano Power Center for some really amusing puppies too ;-) There’s this really really adorable Shar Pei and Chihuahua on sale. Ok, I’m getting off topic here …

Anyways, lunches with friends are always a good thing to rekindle loss familiarity like I always say. Besides, I can actually sense the old days at present time even though some are already married. Somehow I feel young again when having lunches with old friends. Young at heart at least, since another of my high school pal just had a 2.44kg baby boy today. Congrats! Dr.Ho! While most of my friends are married and having babies by now, surely the ‘milieu’ is exclaiming something versus my age. And surely I’m not getting any younger. My B’day is next week and parts of me really do not want to remember nor celebrate. Yet part of my eccentric juvenile mind wants a good time. Still planning on what to do, no fixed plan yet but I just hope that it will be a pleasing day. Who would want a gloomy cheerless birthday right?

New Blog on the Block

2005-02-25T10:00:00.000+08:00

Started another new blog about my forthcoming temporary dwelling, imminent hassle of renovating and future nonsensical prettifying. Surely I have too much time on-hand. Anyways, do have a look at it. No distinct post yet but just a notice to you people. Cheers.

Welcome to the TANGERiNE Boulevard.

Pisces Junkie

2005-02-25T08:00:00.000+08:00

Got the above from a friend. Where he got it from? I do not know. What I do know is that reading the above amazes me to disbelief. I could not imagine that it can be so accurate in describing this tangerine. It’s as if the author actually knows me. Or she could be fluky, all who born under the Pisces sign could well be similar in nature and habits. Ironically peculiar.

I never throw anything away. My loft is particularly full of junk. Not in the garbage sense but more of the emotional value implication. Maybe I’m too sentimental on my belongings. I don’t even throw my old magazines away! I just keep them. Whatever for I do know too. I do know that I have to move out from my current place by 15th March. And there is so so so so so much to pack. I can’t believe I have so much junk! I need to do something about this.

Dreaming Gold

2005-02-24T03:30:00.000+08:00

Was looking around for a nice pressie for me tangerine. Saw one of these at a pet shop. How adorable. How can anyone not buy him? … gazing at him for minutes, his sweet adorable face and those charming eyes …. The urge to instantaneously bring out my plastic whilst swiping his life way into my humble loft is just so alluringly tempting. Did not make the purchase … still contemplating. Surely he would be sold within days for having look so appealing. They always do, the American Cocker Spaniels are hot commodities. Apparently they sell like hot cakes even here in Malaysia. I had still not made up my mind, tonight I can only dream about it. Should I buy? Should I not? Should I? should I not? Should I? zzzzzzzzzzzz

(picture from www.puppy.com.my)

Yellow Snub

2005-02-23T06:00:00.000+08:00

The last time I wore yellow to my nearby 24hr mamak, everyone was starring at me. Just now, no one even notice this tangerine. I think everyone was too immersed into live football. It’s 5 in the morning, wouldn’t want people to notice me anyway.

But out of no where, this stranger came up to me asking whether he can borrow my phone for a while. He needed to call his wife, that’s his excuse. Seems that he has his own mobile but was out of battery power, he even said he will use his own SIM card so that I would not be charged for the call he would want to make. Sounded fair …

Now, how was I supposed to reply? He popped out from nowhere, I was happily enjoying my spicy nasi lemak and it’s like way pass 5 in the morning. Ermmm… I smiled back with a “NO”. Well, he looked like a nice person but the thought that went through my mind at that particular moment was “NO”. Of course, thousand more other unrelated ‘what if’ scenarios went passed during that short encounter but that’s altogether non-relevant. (blame all the senseless killings for the past few days) You see, he spoiled my appetite with his ‘not-so-happy-after-face’. I felt so bad following that refusal. He could be telling the truth right? Subsequently, I’m here blogging about it. Bummer.

Competition Stabbing

2005-02-21T04:00:00.000+08:00

I was thinking of blogging about something cheerful today but all these brainless murder cases keeps on showing on newspaper thus somehow making my life less positive. Few days back, some pretty gal got stabbed 7 times or something. Yesterday, another woman got stabbed 17 times! Is there a competition that I do not know about? To establish who can kill someone with the most number of gouges, pierces and stabs? Or are criminals nowadays aiming for the Malaysian Guinness Book of Records? Anyhow, at the rate they’re displaying their pretty striking exhibits, they might get there somehow. Hmmm.

Geee… I hope I didn’t hear wrongly. Just got the news from nightline that another woman murdered. Strangled with a fan cord? Did I hear incorrectly? Ermmm… that is creative even for a villain. But I guess he is disqualified from the competition. Remember, only knifes allowed. God have mercy on everyone.

Present Present

2005-02-21T03:00:00.000+08:00

It’s end of February again. Every year around this time I go on board into a buying disposition. More of a seeking what to buy frame of mind. Yes, every year around this time, I’ll plan on what to buy for my own birthday. Sure, as pathetic as it might have sound, I make sure of this every year. For myself, to buy a really nice gift personally. Can’t remember when I started doing this, could be the moment when I realized that I keep on receiving b’day gift that I don’t really like or never wanted or needed in the first place. I do appreciate people’s kindness, but junk is still junk … I apologize. Or maybe times when no one remembers my birthday or candle grooving without a single gift…hmmm. Anyhow, I’m always looking forward to my present. The nice fixation or obsession that I always wanted. Yup, I’ll never scrimp and save on my personal offering but I can’t help feeling the sting as year elapses with purchases getting more and more expensive. I’m always happy simply because the ‘flaunt’ gets better and better by the age. And at the rate I’m going, I might end up with a Ferrari soon! (not that I can afford one) But I would really like that one day…who wouldn’t?

How I wish someone will just surprise me with a nice token that I would want and really appreciate without telling them what to buy, my yearning and what I fancy. But I’m a peculiar person, not many can understand my taste and wishes. Nevertheless, I’ll continue to search for an affordable nice gift this coming week, I’ve only got less than 2 weeks and there is so much imminent lust to hunger for. I’m merely glad that my trusty account statement is preventing this tangerine from buying the world indefinitely. Although, there’s this sunshine that caught my attention today, but I doubt I could meet the expense *sigh*.

“Most splendors portray a beautiful grace but hers has a luminous on a delicate face”

MY Fear & Cheer

2005-02-19T02:00:00.000+08:00

News that caught my attention the past 3 days …
(Source: the Star online)

MALACCA: A soldier lost his wife and unborn twin boys in an accident here caused by an impatient driver and worsened by an uncaring public … tumbled to the ground after a car moved forward before the lights turned green and bumped into their motorcycle at a busy junction. None stopped until one … pulled up 20 minutes later. It was too late… died on the way to the Malacca Hospital. Her unborn twins, due on March 1, also died.

PETALING JAYA: A 17-year-old student from China, believed to be the naked person found dead in a ditch on Sunday, could have lost her way… Her body was found at noon near an oil palm plantation in Kanchung Tengah, Banting. A post-mortem revealed that the victim had been strangled, raped and sodomised.

PENANG: A 56-year-old woman, believed to be a victim of a snatch thief or hit-and-run accident, is fighting for her life… in a coma at the intensive care unit... She was found sprawled in a pool of blood…. Doctors … have told her relatives that even if she survived, she might suffer from paralysis or memory loss.

PETALING JAYA: The 26-year-old co-owner of a children’s boutique was sexually assaulted and stabbed to death in her shoplot at a newly opened shopping complex… had multiple stab wounds on her body, was found by one of her partners at 1.15pm yesterday sprawled in a pool of blood.

Ermmm …. Is it me or times are really bad these days? And are women more prone to misfortune and mishaps? It seems that whether young or old, pregnant or single, foreign or local, all are likely targets for fatality and tragedy. And I doubt guys are any safer as well.

What’s happenning to MY land? Surely if I had browsed the papers with more attentiveness, I could dig out even more horrendous news to the point that I would not even step out from my loft. How can I feel safe when someone got stabbed to death within the proximity of the gym I get to regularly? Clearly some people had the same apprehension as this tangerine. Only 6 people turned up in today’s Pilates class instead of the jam-packed attendance usually. And the locker room feels disturbingly spine-chilling now. Perhaps the shower isn’t ‘hot’ enough. Or maybe it’s just me. Possibly it’s my fascination towards Steven King.

Nevertheless, this day still has heaps to cheer about vis-à-vis chaos. A gratefully big thanks to TV Smith, my PhotoBlog can load up properly in FireFox now. No more big gaps in between. Well I have to admit, not all ‘issues’ are resolved and plenty of bugs still, but even so… I needed an event to feel cheery. Also thanks to Messy Christian and Lisan for linking this tangerine in their blogs. I’m appreciative. All this makes me optimistic and jolly to know that there’re still good quality people out there. Many, surely. So, I’m tangerine, living gladly among nice lemons and oranges.

Spreading Fire

2005-02-18T03:30:00.000+08:00

I’ve finally downloaded FireFox. Yeah, I’m one of those users that are ‘slow’ in these things. Actually, I’m more of the lazy kind. Anyways, the sole advertised ‘empowerment’ of faster; more efficient and safer web browsing doesn’t really intrigue this tangerine by a milestone. But that’s just me, ain’t really trilled ‘rediscovering the web’ really. Tabbed browsing is cool, but isn’t that just about moving your mouse cursor upwards instead of moving downwards to the taskbar? Sure, it’s neat. In product design philosophy, this is but mere better re-packaging of user interface and impression. Perhaps, an un-technologically trained average individual like yours truly can’t really appreciate the ingenuity behind FireFox. For me, saving that 2 or 3 seconds on page loading is like trying to reach 100km/h from 0 in lesser fraction of moments on modified race machines. Probably in F1 every millisecond count but all these ‘excitement’ proves to be too, Ermmm … meaningless? Ok…. unimportant to this tangerine maybe but surely divinity status to many.

To keep things brief, I detest FireFox. Why? Because my PhotoBlog doesn’t load up properly in FireFox Ver1.0 that’s why! Geee, it’s like my entire fault is it? It was fine in Internet Explorer 6. So why can’t it show correctly in Mozilla’s baby? Also the text size is minutely puny in this fiery foxy. Or is it my screen? Anyhow, I really can’t distinguish and really don’t understand all this technical IT insight and know-how. I’m just an average tangerine blogging about its fuming experience with a new blazing browser that has smashed through the 25 million download landmark in 99 days.

NOTICE

2005-02-17T10:00:00.000+08:00

Some might have noticed that I have recently added lots and lots of advertisement banners in my blogs. In any case, I’ve tried to place them in a less distracting and more ambiguous manner which is at the bottom of all my posts. I do hope that these banners are not as disturbing and daunting as I have noticed but what can I say? Times are bad these days. And certainly I’ve got my streamyx bills to pay. Do give your comments if you find these banners annoying. Tangy Cheers ;-)

Tangerine at Sea

2005-02-17T00:00:00.000+08:00

Time and tide wait for no man. So often I failed to seize opportunities thus constantly in regret and lament. Lost prospect is like missing a stop, looking out from your means of transportation in muddle, in panic and feeling pathetically lost. Though time waits not for this tangerine, I’m chained to it in defiance and drag along this era of pointless breathing. I’ve missed my station, thus I could only wait for the next schedule stopover with prudence and caution. If not, I’ll be in an endless ride of disorientation and in constant confusion and incomprehension. I will never understand time, and my tangerine mind cannot comprehend the concept of relativity nor the surrealistic abstraction of time dilation. I failed my SPM physics which explain why I can’t commit to memory the quintessence and principles of quantum theory. Perhaps this is what Einstein meant by his uncertainty principle within physical philosophy.

That’s it! I’m giving up downloading StarTrek Vovager indefinitely.

Tangerine Time

2005-02-16T03:30:00.000+08:00

There’s a time for everything. But surely not for anything. Time is the essence of what our requirements of ourselves looked-for, results. Some desires an ending while some searches for a conclusion. Whether cause or consequence, time will have your say for what you are, what you’ll be and what you’ve become. My pessimism on life narrates that I’m but a slave for time. I don’t labor for time but my toils and strive suffers from it being constantly by my side, patrolling at my every tread and judging me from my constant debts. Debts to youth and debts to impending outlook of forsaken views. Sometimes, it’s just easier not to ponder on achievements and accomplishments. I have tendency to look back, whilst focusing on the journey yet to be. Thus missing a great deal of entry along my narrow path surely. So be it I comfort myself, just remember that those who sow, so shall he reap. My harvest whether big or small, sweet or sour, long or brief, I’m just glad that I still have useful time to amend a disarray soul to persevere and to live.

Happy Birthday People!

2005-02-15T12:00:00.000+08:00

Someone told me that today is supposedly everyone’s birthday according to Chinese tradition. The 7th day also known as ‘Ren Zhi’ (people’s day). Well, being a ‘banana’ I don’t really pay attention to all this. Don’t really know …really. Anyhow, Happy Birthday everyone.

Dear Mel Ancholy,

2005-02-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

The days past by swiftly and I realized that it is the 15th again. As expected, I write to you once more to bring up to date my stay and haste, my laze and craze and my cheerless and jolly happy days.

I can’t help but to asked “How was your Valentine’s Day?” Is it a day of delight, sweetness, flowers and cheerful gaze? Or is it a day of hectic running, disappointment and prickly tease from cheeky colleague's face? Either way, this Valentine’s affair is still coming to an end with my tomorrow being another lonely senseless stay.

A brand new day surely for me as I’ll be making my way back to Kuala Lumpur thus ending my long long restful holidays. Consider me lucky because many had already started their hectic work and crazy perk. And this rather free tangerine still have time tomorrow to visit the gym for some really intensive bodywork. Surely, all the excess ‘Bar Kua’ has deem this fruit a little wide and a little fat that just cannot hide. Maybe a 10km mistreatment to the treadmill might put the dreaded flab out of sight.

An update on my resolutions for I’ve not bought the easel, charcoal black and paper white. I’m just too weary to buy more equipments as I’ll be shifting soon to my unfurnished apartment room. I just hope that the transfer will be faster and smoother than projected for technically this little storeroom is still not mine. This is why I’ll be paying rental fee for a property I’ve bought with my very last nickel and dime. As stupid as I can be, I have no choice but to move in first and save on that several penny that I needed so badly for my clean-cut renovation plans. So till then, I have no good news to tell you on my supposedly cozy dwelling ranch.

Enough of my whining and droning on my procrastination and futility. I have at least taken effort to rekindle lost familiarity among my old high school pals. So in two weeks time, some of us will be avail to meet again for some lovely lunch and ramblings of crazy times. Yes, close friendship might take a while but at least I’m taking initiative not to waste any more precious valuable time. And hopefully my joint birthday party with another lonely buddy this March will be materialize as I’ve not had a celebration on my B’day for a while for this tangerine ain’t that sociable kind. Thus celebrating one year less than 30 is no easy task. But I must be brave and let loose my fear to face another year of endless senseless phobia. So you be fearless Mel, for tomorrow is but another day of glorious crack of dawn and a soothing heartwarming sundown where optimism borne.

Yours truly,
Ms. Clemency Tangerine

Love @ First Sight

2005-02-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone around the globe, especially to the unattached like this ‘rather free’ tangerine. Clearly I won’t be having much of a romantic time this year. Rather I'll be spending the day with the LHDN and KWSP. For those who recognizes these government departments, Yup! They sure won’t be nice to you just because it’s the day of lover’s revelry. And surely they will be constantly shooting poison darts at you thinking that they’re the winged Cupid painted blind. So just wish me luck.

Anyhow, here's some lovely flowers for everyone. Hope you have a charming delightful Valentine's Day, blooming with sweetness, wonders and smiles on a heavenly cheerful face!

Dry, Wry but Cheery

2005-02-12T21:00:00.000+08:00

These few days are truly stimulating. Stimulation of my intellectual capability, social proficiency and physical endurances.

I guess this year’s get-together lunch with all my relatives from my mum’s side is pretty subdued compared to previous years. Maybe they are less focused on me which is a good thing I guess. At least I get less of the ‘why no soul-mate?’, ‘why not going church?’, ‘why haven’t you finish your part-time studies?’ problematical awkward questions. The thing is that all my relatives are more absorbed on what one of my cousins had done (a rather astounding surprise I would say) than to even bother about me. But then, I knew way long before everyone else knew. What actually happened to my cousin are probably of no relation to this blog but me knowing the ‘shock’ before everyone else? I actually feel smarter.

Then I found out from a sweet blogger that web-hosting services can be really cheap. Like so much cheaper than what I’m paying for now. I think I’m paying 3.7 times more for 170Mb less. And I’ve been paying for this amount for 2yrs already. Right, then I realized that this tangerine ain’t that smart after all. Now I suspect that I’m stupid.

And I had this great reunion gathering for the class of 1992. Well, not everyone from my high school turn up but 4 tables and 40plus of us is a good start to reawaken the lost familiarity and friendship. Definitely fantastic fun from 7pm till really late. But that’s beside the point. The thing is that realizing that we’re all no longer teens; many of us are already reaching the peak of our careers. I have classmates who are now doctors and many I would say, and particularly to the one who is researching on transplant techniques for Oxford and Harvard! We’re proud of you! We have Directors, Financial Controllers, Lecturers and many many managers in engineering, accounting, management and marketing with Beamers and Merck’s. We even have one couple with 5 kids! and some expecting too. Geee …. I’m like “I’m just the ‘unattached’ designer”. The peculiar one? Maybe reunion dinners ain’t healthy for my self-esteem. Darn it! We’re planning to make it a yearly thingy. Oh my Gawd! I’ll be 30 next year.

Self-worth aside, getting to know all the people that you have once known is no easy task. I even have problems remembering some of their names. But we don’t blame each other, surely absent for more than 12years is a good excuse for not recalling names. Frankly, some faces appear foreign to this tangerine. Especially the one that is supposedly my neighbor…Oppps. Anyhow, only after one night I’m already forgetting names. Either my memory is deterioration or this fruit ain’t social whiz. I bet I’ll be asking some of them the same question or even their name again next year. How?

Yet before recovering from last night’s reunion exhaustion, I have to wake up early today to drive my parents down to JB for more visitations of relatives. Suddenly, a mere 1½ hrs drive feels really like 112hrs journey. Driving back home is exceedingly torturous. Worse still, my mum wants to stop by half way at Air Hitam to have a look at this really big warehouse selling fake plastic flowers! No, we did not make any purchases but the 1hr spend there sure used up all my energy. Mum and my elder sis have this thing for decorating the house with fake flowers. To prevent them from buying more, I have formulated a standard answer to reply their queries. Naturally they will always ask for my opinion because I’m a designer. Anyhow, answers like “No, I think Aunt XX have the same thing”, “No, that’s expensive; I can get cheaper somewhere else”, are all good put offs. Of course, these answers are all forged for faux too.

Lastly, this tangerine is feeling desiccated now! Dry and wry. But still cheery because it's the holidays ;-)

What a Day

2005-02-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

Of relatives, cousins and nieces. Of uncles, aunties and grandma’s teases. Then came old high school pal’s stopover for some really amusing yak, on our silly historical back. Though fun but embarrassing definitely, when receiving Ang Pows from friends the same age as me. But the best part of the day is surely the home cook meals of fishes, poultry, veggies and chardonnays in my lovely wineglasses.

Fireworks Dismay

2005-02-09T03:00:00.000+08:00

It’s the same every year, the sound of firecrackers reverberating in thunderous rumble way pass midnight and happily being unsympathetic to those who actually need sleep. I guess even 3am in the morning is still way too early for those happy igniters in jamboree. Well, I’m not complaining because I don’t sleep early myself. But I do empathize for those who had a very long day in preparing for the reunion dinners consumed. People like my mum and many happy mothers out there. But I think mum’s way way too tired to even notice those crashes and roars while my dad is slightly deaf, so he’s fine. However, I do know of light sleepers who actually dreaded this night. Poor tired souls.

While late slumberers like myself contentedly enjoying my bloggerina time, the crackling and explosions reminded this tangerine of old memories. Period when this tangerine is still puny and loves fireworks extremely. But that was when playing with fireworks are still legal. Those are good times. I pity the ‘modern’ children these days for not having enough opportunities to experience the excitement of lighting up explosives. Sure, I know the illegal firecracker stalls are in all places especially the pasar malams but how many ‘sensible’ parents will purchase them for their children? Not many I guess because even in small town Batu Pahat, the glitter is getting fewer and fewer by the year. I predict that as soon as even 5yrs from now, residents might have a goodnight sleep on Chinese New Year nights. Moreover, I doubt kids these days are interested in playing with matches. Surely they’re more engrossed with matches in their playstation2 than getting their hands dirty. Maybe firecrackers are only for small town children where the police bare no care even if your houses do burn down from the over excessive pyrotechnics display. Anyhow, seeing my young neighbors happily playing with firecrackers, I somehow have the urge to relive that moment again. But I guess I’m too old for all this. Or just too levelheaded to know it’s harm capable of. Or just too boring a person to even make an effort to relive and experience again. Or my hands are just getting itchy for not coming into contact with any firework materials whatsoever for a long long long time.

I guess for now, I can still be happy playing with THIS.

Happy CNY to everyone!

2005-02-09T00:00:00.000+08:00

A prosperous Chinese New Year and happy days in this Rooster year ahead. To everyone, CHEERS!

Senseless Ramblings

2005-02-08T15:00:00.000+08:00

The streets are full of cars and blast, people here and there in a rushed to finish up their last minute Chinese New Year hubbub fuss. And all members of the family in enthusiasm to greet the new dawn with ornamental bliss of red embracing their dwelling farm. Vehicles are sparkling clean and leather shoes buffed with glittering gleam. Jewelries glittering with sheen for the flaunting of personal richness and exclusive private holdings. Even aluminum can drinks are ready to rupture with gas of gab and gossiping. All Chinese in filial grounding for tonight’s reunion gathering.

So for a small portion of the blogging community, the absents are just an indication of jamboree, reunion and amusement. Where fireworks flaunt and lion dances prompt, the silences of certain blogs pending to be witnesses of applaud and cheerful songs. Silences within soon to be attention-grabbing blogs will somehow emerge when their time and schedule allows. Whereas the silent blogs rest inaudibly in some journal minds, some nonsensical logs surfaces insipidly from the senseless and thoughtless kind. The instance of such paradigm can clearly be seen in this illogical entry by a sleepy bored out tangerine.

Perfect Crust or Crush?

2005-02-08T02:00:00.000+08:00

My auntie called this morning specifically to remind my sister to tell me to particularly look for this person that works in the bank (which I’m supposed to bring my sister to) and hopefully get ‘friendly’ towards. According to my aunt, nice single young, tall and having a respectable job in the bank is a good choice for a life partner cause surely it’s time for me to settle down. Hmmm … and she actually presume that I should just walk into the over crowded bank today and start chatting like nobody’s business while probably thousands of people are waiting behind the line eagerly wanting to exchange new dollar bills for the coming Chinese New Year. Or most likely I’ll be waiting behind a long long queue just yearning for a glimpse of my impending bliss. Duh!!!??? What’s on my aunt’s mind!!!??? What’s it with relatives? Are 29 really that old not to get married or attached? And as if when I reached 30 and no sane person will want to be with me anymore. Thus by the time I arrive at 33 I’ll be the cursed living being not worthy of any happiness and joy and certainly will die miserably and abandoned. Ya, right.

Yup, the marriage issue is always the ‘hot’ topic among my family and relatives during the festive season. In fact, it has become the only topic for any celebratory gatherings. Don’t chortle because many out there are surely facing the same predicament as mine. A 3inch tongue can certainly kill a six foot giant. I’m dying from annoyance.

Another topic but sort of related. Is it one’s liability for being too demanding or a person’s right to willfully choose either a ‘compliant’ life partner or no one at all? You know, the “I want the perfect pizza or I’ll rather die of starvation” mind-set. Some call it stubbornness, some find them as excuses, few are awake from hallucination and a quantity of singletons believes that the idea brings opportunity for more significant commitment. If the answer to everlasting bliss is just simply a matter of waiting then why even bother linger on. Surely the grass is greener on the other side so clearly someone else’s partner will outshine yours definitely. Is it not cool to have a half-compliant partner? Why not have some appetizers while waiting for the main dish to arrive? Or have a normal pizza first followed by the perfect Italian crust. Of course, some will only have appetite for only one dish. That’s why they aspire to have the best. The best of the best deemed finest by the upper crust community. Nevertheless, everyone’s preferences are unique and distinct. Even I cannot deny that the ironic fact subsist that ‘beauty lies on the eyes of the beholder’. So at times, our pride and rational are of no defiance to the persuasiveness of our own heart. Hence how do I define in compliance?

Sunrise to Sunset

2005-02-07T15:33:00.000+08:00

After contemplating for a while, I’ve decided to take some pictures of my surroundings during my drive back home to BP yesterday morning. I was reluctant at first. But I guess I needed some images to fill up my photoblog. Yeah, I’m running out of photos and ideas as well. Anyway, it’s a nice clear morning and I’m glad to have taken some pictures and still get to have my ‘moment’ too. No light ‘beaming out’ from the clouds like how I described earlier but nevertheless pleasant. Not a cloudy daybreak but a cold and hazy one. Still, the best part is that the day ended with a really nice sunset. A perfect day of sunrise to sunset for the tangerine traveling home.

To view the photos you can visit my Tangerine tree.

Whine with Wine

2005-02-07T02:30:00.000+08:00

Having weird dreams again. Dreamed that I was falling … on a walkway? It was not even a sloping path. I was lying on the ground sliding and descending downwards which doesn’t really make sense at all. People fall vertically not horizontally right? Then again, dreams never make senses anyway. Sanity of grey matters, between black and white bothers.

Had a good nap in the afternoon though. Good home cook meal and delirious Singaporean programs. Yeah, I can receive shows from S’pore which I can’t back in KL. A fresh variation once in a while is nice. Way pass midnight, enjoying my third glass of white at the moment. Bliss in clear finish.

Surfing and blogging on 46.6Kps dial-up on the other hand is wearisome and testing. This is why I’m on my third glass now. Helps numb the mind of exasperating temperament I presume. Came across this verse while probing for some scripture wisdom;
Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities - 1 Timothy 5:23 (KJV)

Ok ok, I’m misquoting the bible (again). I’m just bored. I need broadband …

Reached BP!

2005-02-06T08:38:00.000+08:00

Thank God I reached home savely :-)

To BP ...

2005-02-06T05:16:00.000+08:00

It's a few minutes past 5 at the moment. I'm leaving soon so if you don't see my next entry, I probably didn't make it back home ;-D

Sunrise Cruise

2005-02-06T03:00:00.000+08:00

Yes! I’ve done it. I’ve completed all the matters that I ought to do before Monday. I’m so proud of myself. I even have time to have a hair cut and drop by my cousin’s place to collect some CNY items. Now my car is full of stuff! Thank goodness I’m traveling back alone cause my car ain’t got space for even Stuart Little.

Yup, I’ve decided to go back tomorrow. Ermm well, it’s going to be 3am so I guess I should say this morning. Plan to set out at 5am so I should arrive at Batu Pahat, Johor just in time to have breakfast with my parents. See, how filial. LoL

Love traveling really early in the morning. Firstly, there’s practically no traffic. Thus, I can have a really smooth and fast journey back. I really hate those slow coaches blocking the whole expressway thinking that they own the whole road. Don’t they understand? If driving slowly – stick to the left… some people need to speed. Of course, at this hour the polices are probably still fast asleep and I’ll never have to worry about speed traps and road blocks for sure. Yeah … I’m wicked. Muuaahahaha!

But the best part about driving back in the early morning is that you get to enjoy this tremendous sunrise while roving down south. Ok, I know the sun rises from the east but somehow I get to take pleasure in this picturesque first light between the Melaka and Yong Peng stretched of the highway. Lights beaming out from the morning clouds as if God is coming. But I doubt you’ll get the picture. Hmmm…to think about it, I’ve never taken a picture of the sunrises before. But nah ….. splendors like this are best appreciated rather then to spoil the moment to make an effort by capturing that instant. Sorry but I’m no photography enthusiast. I just love to take my sweet time alone, enjoying the break of day with my favorite music and cruising alongside foggy scenic landscape. Yeah, my simple tangerine delight dressed in carefree peculiarity.

Acoustic Fever

2005-02-05T00:00:00.000+08:00

Dunno why but I’m having this sudden urge to acquire an acoustic guitar. I’ve been dreaming about this nice black thin body with a cut-away reach since last Christmas. I’ve even persuaded myself to get one for my birthday. But that’s just a lame excuse to discharge my inner desires simply because my B-day is approaching.

Nevertheless, I’m trying very hard not to buy one for the reason that it’s not my first. Yeah, I already have two guitars. An electric bass and an electric guitar. Nothing wrong with having more than one instrument right? Some people have more than two computers! Anyhow, I wanted an acoustic with the intention of not worrying about the hassle of plugging it into my amp for a trouble-free jam. Though I have a mini studio arrangement but the setting-up can really be of annoyance sometimes. All the wires and such. Plus it’s just not the same, if you’re a guitarist you should know. The aural of an acoustic sound is distinctively unique. And sometimes I just wanna chill by picking up a guitar and start playing baloney, in an instant. Just lying on the sofa and plucking my fancy till my heart be pacify. But for now, I can only dream. Or just pretend that my beloved Pacifica is a black acoustic guitar.

Palliative Rent

2005-02-04T03:00:00.000+08:00

Tried calling home tonight but no one answered. I bet my parents must be out having supper again. Yeah, they do that a lot. Sweet huh? Anyways, wanted to call them later on but was too occupied shopping, in Tesco. It’s amazing how much time I can spend in a hypermarket. Thank goodness they open till 1am. Overall, it’s a good day. Did 5km cardio and got myself 2 bottles of Chardonnays and a bottle of Riesling. Perfect for home cooked seafood and poultry this CNY.

Ok, was going to tell my mum some good and bad news. You see, my lawyer have just informed us (the buyer and the seller) that my new place might not be ready for transfer till June, at worse and May if I’m lucky. I don’t really understand all the legal procedure of title transfer but it is way way over my control. There are just so so many parties involved! The many lawyers, developer, banks, PKNS, EPF and Land offices and I’ve yet to touch on renovation issues still! In M’sia, anything that involves the government bodies will definitely be of dawdling snail pace. The holidays are of no help too. If there’s any new home buyers out there, “Make sure you buy a property direct from developers! Make sure it’s freehold. Don’t buy a second-hand leasehold property, trust me on that!”

Well, the seller is actually in a much more panic mode than I. Seriously, I just don’t care anymore. The seller is really eager to let go the property because he has to pay the mortgages for this place I’m buying and also another big house he owns. So he has this bright idea. He wants to rent me the place while I wait for the transfer of title. He knows that I’m currently renting a place so why not rent from him instead? He’s even willing to lower the rent. 35% lower compared to market rate to be exact – well, I haggled and he’s desperate. Definitely lower than what I’m paying now too (30% lower). So why not? Sounds like a good deal right? But silly isn’t it? Me renting a place that is supposedly mine to owned? But I guess a few months wouldn’t hurt, the apartment is after all still his and I get to save on rental as well. Wait till I tell my current landlady about it! This tangerine ain’t producing ‘Gong Xi Fa Chai’ mood for sure.

*"Gong Xi Fa Chai" (Mandarin) or "Kong Hee Fatt Choy" (Cantonese), both of which mean "Wishing You Prosperity and Wealth."

Days Ahead

2005-02-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

Yup, Chinese New Year (aka CNY) is next Wednesday. Amazing how time just passes by so fast, its February already. I’m still having recollection of how I ‘celebrated’ the New Year 1st Jan. Plenty of public holidays too surrounding us this first two months of the year. I’m sure those who work a 5 day week would have really appreciated all these days off.

Mum called yesterday. It’s not even the end of the week and she is already pestering me to go home. Back to my pretty boring hometown, Batu Pahat. It’s probably only 1/100th the size of Kuala Lumpur. Anyway, being self-employed and without a project on-hand (still), makes it hard for me to manifest excuses for not going back so early (ermm..like tomorrow, duh?). I do miss my parents but I’ve just seen them last month and there is so so much for me to do here. For instance - have to bring my car for servicing on Friday, wax the car shinny, Pilates again, have not work out those abdominal muscles yet, plan to do another 4km by end of the week, still short of a new shirt for CNY, pay my Citibank credit card bills, buy a couple bottles of Chardonnays for the reunion dinner on Tuesday, and the list just goes on and on and on. Geee, I’ll be lucky if I can make it back by CNY! Mum will surely be annoyed if she knows that I’ll be going back last minute (again this year). I’m sure a lot of you out there will have the same predicament as mine too. So I just have to be cautious on my time management for the next couple of days. Thinking about it, I’ll be busy till CNY, going to have a big reunion dinner with high school pals too on the 3rd day of CNY. 36 of us, that should be fun. Add in all the CNY house to house visits, I’ll be booked till the 13th. Wow! That’s really gonna be tiring. Hai ya, no broadband in Batu Pahat, I hate using dial-up connection to blog! Whata’ let-down.

Well in any case, at least this tangerine don’t have to make plans for Valentines Day this year :-( Hmmm ….Will really like to make it for Jaclyn Victor’s show at Avanti on the 14th though. Or should I join the Fitness First BodyPump singleton class instead? Naarh … to early to worry about all these … have to thing about what excuses to tell mum tomorrow.

Cool & Hips

2005-02-02T03:00:00.000+08:00

If it’s going to be a bad year ahead, then I think I ought to enjoy the remaining good days that are unfilled before Chinese New Year arrive. And what better way to enjoy today but to go shopping! Well, its new year coming so customary practice would mean new cloths, new shoes, new accessories and if possible a new hairdo. Well, budget dictates how much newness I can bestow myself. So I guess some new cloths or shoes will be good enough for this ‘bad’ year to come.

I was lucky I guess. After months and months of searching I finally found myself a nice pair of running shoe at 50% markdown. I could not believe it when I saw an Adidas ClimaCool going for less than RM150, with my size. And it’s a 2004 model too, discontinued nonetheless. Anyways, I’ll prefer it black though but I guess dark blue is still cool. It’s still only a pair of running shoe. Still, knowing my mind-set I’ll probably get sick of it after 3 months or so. Then I suppose having new shoe for the new year is still better than wearing a pair of old sneakers. Hmmm … will try it out tomorrow at the gym to see if it’s really that ‘cooling’. Kinda uncanny because this shoe has holes (ventilation perforation) under the mid-sole portion, YES underneath! And that will suggest that I can’t wear them during wet rainy days. Bummer.

Now, I was a bit terrified to find out that I can fit into a ‘S’ whilst trying out a pair of trousers just now. I’m not even sure I’m happy about it because my waist is really getting smaller by the day. At this rate, I might need to procure items from the children’s department pretty soon. For my kind of height, small trouser sizes can really allude to short in length. Gosh! I think I should put on some weight just to fit into an ‘M’. Or maybe I should try harder getting those muscles on the abs. Hmmm … this tangerine ought to sleep now for tomorrow’s morning Pilates class. Maybe some light snack now will help gain those love handles …

Feng Shui in Rooster Year

2005-02-01T03:00:00.000+08:00

According to Malaysian renown Feng Shui master Lilian Too, this new 2005 will not be a good year because the ‘Lap Chun’ is missing. ‘Lap Chun is the first day of spring in the Chinese Lunar Calendar. The Chinese believe if a New Year is to start without spring, this will denote a weak year ahead. Without spring to herald in the year, there will not be any significant growth, instead it looks like tough times are ahead.’ as stated by Lilian. ‘In the Wood Rooster Year, we find that the fire and water elements are missing … No water means no wealth! Without fire, there’s no fame or glory either. With the lack of water and fire elements, the energy needed to fuel growth in the coming year is practically non-existent! Thus, it won’t be a good year for businesses and commerce. Success and recognition will be hard to attain.’ She continues, ‘also, the clash between metal and wood element in the year pillar suggests widespread violence and hostility throughout the year. As metal is further enhanced by the presence of earth element, this could result in accidents and natural disasters.’

Confirmed by Singaporean Feng Shui master Lynn Yap, ‘It is believed to be an inauspicious year as it is the second year of 'period 8' feng shui. Hence, one can expect many natural disasters to happen,’ she said. But she did pointed put that the year was a good one for romance and having babies, while those in the “water” industry would make much money. Water industries, she said, included those dealing with the Internet, consultancy, information, shipping, transportation, distribution, tourism, lottery, cold beverages, hotels, shipbuilding, broadcasting, airlines, oil, marine products, money-lending and telecommunications.

Now, Lynn Yap is 46 and dubbed the republic’s “Feng shui Queen,” and has 15 years of experience in the art of studying the movement of energies in the environment. This is her picture on the newspaper I was reading. Please have a look here.

Tell me if that’s 46!!! Goodness me! Can the practice of Feng shui bring about youth too? Seriously, she looks 30 max to me, 28 maybe … Hmmm. Honesty, if that’s her current picture I would definitely enroll myself to a Feng shui practitioner’s course and maybe get myself a PhD in feng shui so that I can look 18 when I reached 40! This tangerine wanna look young again!

Credo, Thoughts & God

2005-01-31T04:00:00.000+08:00

Kinda interesting that lately I’ve been gazing scriptures from the Bible quite frequently. Maybe it’s from reading too much Christian blogs in recent months. I then realized that perhaps my answers to existence itself could be found within the 66 books concealed in the Bible. But who am I kidding? I have search relentlessly then and second time inquisition would not make a difference now. The book that I was once so familiar with became a book full of mysteries and insight unambiguously foreign. For now I truly comprehend why it’s written that ‘All scriptures are Godbreath’ (2Tim3:16) and surely reality without God will have no inspiration from the Word. Which is why unbelievers can never see the light of the gospel without experiencing Christ. (2Cor4)

But all this are but words and letters that no longer meant wholly in my heart. As I wonder through some of the Christian blogs, I again see the reflection of what I saw years years back. Nothing seems to have changed. I guess nothing will ever change if the God is still the same. Apart from the endless debate on denominations, theological views, faith, grace, salvation and what’s right and wrong, people are still very much focused on their own personal walk - with, within or without Christ. I then remembered that Christianity IS about the personal walk and relationship with God. What I also take in from the different views and sharing of all these bloggers are that they entirely describe God/Christ/Jesus in automatic assumption that all are referring to the same Almighty. I often and still asked myself till today that - Are Christians around the world really worshipping the same one God? The God of all the different denominations the same as the God of all forgiving in about any situations as we biased towards the same as the God of wrath that permits all calamity the same as the God that agrees to both baptism of either immerse or sprinkle the same as the God that appear as if varying through our ever-changing society of variable lifestyles?

Truly this tangerine can no longer understand. Maybe I’ve not have the ‘light’ to enlighten my belief in certainty. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Maybe I’m not making sense at all which is why my life is pretty much so non-sensical at all times. At times I really feel like still living in Genesis 1 between verse 2 and 3 - And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep(KJV). I’m still waiting for God to switch on the light. It surely feels like eternity. Or possibly the light was not meant to be outside the Christianity trajectory. Bummer. Maybe Feng Shui could enlighten me.

Dear God

2005-01-30T03:00:00.000+08:00

It’s been about a month plus since the Tsunami mess. It’s not even 40 days yet it feels like years ago that the heartbreaking news came. Today, it’s merely a two page report on the newspaper, but who’s to blame? I guess the Tsunami news is just not as sellable as it used to be now that people are more focused on the coming Chinese New Year jamboree. Who will think of the deprived during the self consuming festive seasons? Not many I guess. The human kind really does have the ability to savor life and live on. Because we only care when there is death. And when death fades, self indulgence becomes alive and living again. I guess when folks had done their part; big or small, huge sum or modest deeds, they can all forget and continue living life as they warrant fit. I’ve not done mine of course, that’s why I’m still whining this issue to you still. Am I to blame or living works best through self overwhelming of self gratification? I bet they will probably be more news on tennis beauties way above tragic tsunami by the end of February.

And hopefully by the end of February, please please please let my new place be ready and make me happy. Please let this new year be of not just new cloths but of a new dwelling too for this boring me. I’m so tired of my current lodging that I dream of sitting on my own leather L-shape sofa enjoying the air-conditioning every single evening. The long wait for the transfer of title deeds are just to excruciating to endure. Your blessing of a new apartment for me is nice but can’t you make it easier and faster to have the benefit of? It’s like knowing salvation but rejected from entering heaven. The many lawyer encounters has already generated more than enough heat it already feels like hell down here. You know I’ll have more headaches during renovation time so please please please and just be sunny to me. Or is it the fact of my church desertion that you’re punishing this poor poor poor tangerine for constantly escaping? Bummer.

But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you. - Revelation 3:3 (NIV)

Water Bed

2005-01-29T03:00:00.000+08:00

Gawd! Why is it still so warm at this hour of the night? It’s nearly 3am. I can’t sleep and I’m soaking wet. If my bed was an oversized strainer, I would have collected buckets of water enough to wash my car in the morning! When my new place is ready, I’ll definitely make sure I have air-conditioning. Darn it! I’m hot, sticky, can’t sleep and too tired to blog on further. I’m going to take a shower now.

Reverie of Unhappiness

2005-01-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

I had a peculiar dream about death last night. I knew someone died. I just can’t remember who. Someone I know, without doubt. I just can’t recall the individual, the name and how? But I wouldn’t want to know anyway because there is nothing cheery about death. I woke up with a dark gloomy overcast and feeling unhappy the minute I opened my eyes. A very gray way of starting the day.

Is bad enough that the afternoon was hot. My appointment with my lawyer made me annoyed, fuming with frustration and impatience with their so called professionalism. Truly, lawyers cannot be trusted. Somehow, my body temperature is soaring high above our malaysian tropical heat after the meet.

So I thought, why don’t I just shake off the anger on the treadmill? At least there is air-con in the gym. Running seems to have the ability to render myself in high spirits. Dunno why, maybe sweating helps. But my performance was terrible today. I usually can do 4km within 30mins. Just now, it took this tired tangerine 1hr 15mins to reached 5.5km. I was plainly walking. I’m not even sure if I was worn-out mentally or physically. Could be both. Disappointing indeed.

Thus I made a silly conclusion on dreams about death. Whenever one has visions about death itself, your day will not be a cherry one. I wished I had just stayed at home instead of experiencing dark murky overcast on a scorching sunlit afternoon with an unnecessary bummer to end this depressing date. Hmmm … blogging about my dismal appear to be even more pathetic and verbose by the day.

As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. - Ecclesiastes 5:3(NIV)

Giving a Buzz

2005-01-26T00:00:00.000+08:00

I’ve been making effort calling up some of my old hometown high school friends the last couple of days for the attempt of reviving and revitalizing some lost familiarity. At times I wonder why we grew further and further apart despite the fact that we are all working within the same state (KL). We don’t even live that far away from each other yet we hardly give each other a buzz. Perhaps it’s what big city does to us, taking enormity as the excuse for our own lethargic idleness. Thus the familiarity with all becomes detached by sheer procrastination of keeping in touch.

That is why I tell myself, if I’m not making any new friends, this tangerine ain’t going to lose anymore buddies. Truly friends are not made but born. And like any natural growth, time is but of the essence of lifelong camaraderie. Giving birth to close friendships will surely take measure and much effort. Some said, ‘A simple acquaintance initiate a conversation with full news bulletin on his life but real friend says, What's new with you?’ In all honesty, to truly know someone in familiarity is dissimilar to knowing a whole heaps about someone in fluency. Closeness outdistanced details by poles apart. Hmmm … more excuses for coffee and cheesecake indeed.

Yellow Wonder

2005-01-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year is round the corner. My grandma always reminds me that the new year signifies another year of growing up. So every year befall us grown up with more wealth, better health and a wiser self. Yes, grandma’s optimism.

But growing up seems more isolated as days passes by. I blog about this thought around 3 months ago. That fruits around the neighborhood will eventually harmonize and bears more fruits, even lemons and oranges. But not tangerines. Tangerines can only wait till its ripened before being harvest but only to transpire as duo on Chinese New Year where two tangerines draw closer together only to be separated by more swapping of endless ethnicity and traditions. Strange customs. Truly nonsensical. Nvm.

The truth is that Chinese New Year is the time of gathering for all relatives and families. It can also be a time for surprises from certain kith and kin. Surprises often in small cute adorable packages. Surprises from the newly wed and surprises from newly attached. Surprises from the bad wardrobe investment and surprises from the never-ending match making development. Surprises from the popping fireworks and surprises from the boundless gossips and prickly words. All in all, even surprises of expired cookies from hampers received will still go one better than zero surprises. All the same, nice or harsh it’s just part of the package of growing up in a Chinese way of living chaos.

Holidays are Great

2005-01-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

Holidays are great. Great because it exemplifies freedom and independence. Few days are all that some needs for a great escape from stress, anxiety or monotony. Nevertheless, being self-employed, everyday seem to be a day off nonetheless. At least that’s what most of my friends identify with. Frankly, I’ll rather believe that I have to work every single hour that I possess. That way, I have this self-regard as a diligent entrepreneur working tough to make it big someday. Of course that might not be the case on my daily basis. In fact, I’ve been lazing much the past few weeks just enjoying my slothful freedom (aka no jobs). Take out the blog reading and gym time from my daily functional hours; all that I’m left with are the sleeping, eating and going-to-the-toilet time. The working hours are just out of my daily functioning equations, for now at least. Yup, the funds are running low and it’s time to unearth new resources for refills. At times I wonder, why on earth did I quit my comfortable full-time job only to realize that it’s so much easier just to sit back at your own comfortable office chair enjoying your own stable monthly salary banked into your own savings account every single month by the employer. *sigh* But then again, what’s relevant is that holidays are great.

Comedy of Life

2005-01-20T05:00:00.001+08:00

Glance through some interesting article from my local newspaper today. Bizarre but humorous.

Brush removed – after 22 years
RIYADH: A Saudi medical team removed a toothbrush from the stomach of a man who had swallowed it 22 years ago, the official SPA news agency reported yesterday.

The toothbrush caused the 70-year-old patient no ill effects until a few days before he was operated on, said Dr Abdulrahman al-Zahrani. – AFP

Man escapes tsunami but dies from rock climbing
SINGAPORE: A British outdoor sports enthusiast who escaped killer waves with his wife while on holiday in Thailand last month has died after a rock climbing accident here, a news report said yesterday.

Singapore-based James Creffield, 39, fell from a relatively low height at a former quarry in a nature reserve here on Saturday but suffered head injuries and died after being rushed to a hospital, the Straits Times said.
The computer consultant and his Singaporean wife were in Krabi when the tsunami ravaged Thai beaches, but this failed to dent Creffield's love for outdoor sports.

"He said that Saturday was the perfect day for climbing. He was having fun with his close friends. He was a happy man," the victim's wife Geetha, a teacher, was quoted as saying. – AFP

See … if it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go. There is really no way one can escape death indefinitely. If it’s God will for me to depart this existence then so be it. But if it’s not the time yet, I guess Pilates, toothache or toothbrushes won’t kill this tangerine for sure.

Pilates Aficionado

2005-01-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

It’s bad enough when my gum is feeling uncomfortable and now … my abs’s aching as well. Had my very first Pilates class this morning. This Pilates thingy is seriously difficult and absolutely challenging. Anyhow, it’s my first time so half of the session I was like lost in wonderland, wondering. The language--"relax shoulders, pull navel inside, table top position and breeaaaathe," sounded really like German to this tangerine. What transpire Joseph Hubertus Pilates to conceived ‘contrology’? Boredom? Anyhow, I just hope that I could keep up the program.

Now THIS looks interesting.

Protruding Insight

2005-01-19T06:00:00.000+08:00

My third molar on my lower left is trying to impart this tangerine more wisdom on unhappiness and misery, again. My gumline is beginning to swell slightly. Had such a hard time enjoying my double cheese a moment ago. Looks like I might as well have cheesecake for breakie, lunch and dinner tomorrow.

Now, isn’t life an irony? We don’t need them yet we grow up developing the wisdom tooth that thought us nothing more than to extract them as soon as the pain is identified. Perhaps pain resides in understanding and wisdom stem from the roots of agony, queer.

Halo? Is this Working???

2005-01-18T05:00:00.000+08:00

Thank you to the kind soul that has provided the link to downloading StarTrek series. Well, it’s about 4 hours since I started downloading Season 4 and the BitTorrent window only shows 3% and 156 hours to go. At these rates, Voyager will reach earth before I finished downloading season 5,6 & 7! Hang on … Voyager had reached earth, hmmm ….

Trying out this Haloscan commenting thingy and its hell of a mess to get it up and running. It took this brainless stupid tangerine 3 hrs to make it work! Ok, I’m no IT specialist … I’m just a down-to-earth designer. Seriously, why can’t this HTML editing thingy be much simpler, like really really straightforward, trouble-free and effortless? I’m having a headache again …

Missing the Voyage(r)

2005-01-17T00:00:00.000+08:00

So glad that nothing disastrous happened today but still somehow paranoia over the coming days. I think that I’m slowly evolving to a senseless cynicism nutcase. Never mind.

Somehow listening to the Duke Ellington and Ray Brown duo completes this Sabbath. A day of rest surely and plenty of jazz to accompany. There’s just nothing more soothing than the sound of double bass and the piano in harmony. And the Dave Brubeck Quartet for dessert … yummy.

In some way, I missed those Uni days where I can be so care free in savoring jazz and watching StarTrek: Voyager day after day. Speaking of StarTrek, it seems that Malaysians are just not Star Trek fans. I’ve missed 3 seasons of Voyager since I’ve came back to KL. If I’m not wrong, season 7 will be finale for the voyage. I’m glad U.S.S. Voyager made it back to earth. Hmmm ... still questioning why don’t they sell Star Trek series in our local pasar malam (night market). I drop by my local pasar malam just now and realized that there are pirated Chinese, Korean, Japanese and even Tamil soap operas. CSI, Alias and Sex in the City but no … not Star Trek series! No StarTrek: Enterprise, Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and definitely no StarTrek: Voyager, my favorite. I’m still contemplating whether I should spent US$97.49 each for season 5,6 & 7 DVDs from Amazon.com.

And if, just if I acquire the whole season 1 -7 and start ‘duplicating’ them for sale, will I get back my initial investment, I wonder? This tangerine is cracking its imaginary entrepreneurship intellect again. Maybe it’s just too much viewing of ‘The Apprentice’.

Well, if anyone is reading this (not much I guess), do you know where I can get StarTrek: Voyager in Kuala Lumpur? I’ve got important information for Admiral Kathryn Janeway.

Dear God,

2005-01-16T04:30:00.000+08:00

I’m feeling strange mentally, physically and definitely spiritually. Am I just paranoia over the days I’m living in or is it something catastrophic might be happening again?

Mentally I’m like saying to myself that it’s probably none of my business cause surely if it doesn’t involved this tangerine, it ain’t my business to be nosy. Like the Tsunami calamity, it ain’t my affair simply because your divine plan hasn’t embraced my physical self in it and surely it’s not within my sphere to even question your sovereign will. Not that I’ll understand by any means even if you would told me hence.

But it’s simply depressing to know that it’s not the fear for death that victims are distressed. It’s almost certainly that the horrendous visualization of death itself for after several weeks and still catching sight of corpses drifting back to shore. Corpses are such nice word to describe remains of perhaps a decaying upper limb, a piece of rib bone or just a decomposing skull without its lower jaw. Sometimes I question, Is mortality the fear for parting life or the dreadfulness of meeting death himself?

Living here in KL is such a blessing that I’m even ashamed that I was the fortunate some. For not having the comprehension of surrounded by crumbling dying souls has made this tangerine riveting life for granted. Breathing every sip of air at luxury while possibly some, and not just the victims, are smelling rotting stench for just serving a purpose. The purpose of aid, support and relief. I pray that your kindness be with these humanitarian souls but I know that even they are not spared from fatality for having a compassionate heart. So I just ask for strength and perseverance for those who desire the need to pick up again and carry on and also for those who are just starting to embark on.

Yet lastly, I pray that we not forget the nevertheless obvious. That the time has yet to come. Yes, 160,000 might be a huge number to be in awe but surely that is only a minute percentage of the world’s total population. Even those who died from hunger in Africa, AIDS and the never ending war(s) each year can easily be more than that for sure. So am I forgetting the obvious? That a wake-up call is not a relieve from revelation that has yet to come? Or am I just feeling pessimistic and paranoid, Father? See, I told you that I’m feeling strange tonight, something bad is going to happen again right?

IJNIP

Amen.

Dear Mel Ancholy,

2005-01-15T05:00:00.000+08:00

It’s been a month since I’ve written to you. I’m still brilliant at tugging in my scrunch up shirt, I have definitely moved on. Past month has surely been a month of joy, sorrow and lifelessness.

Joy from the friends and family during the festive days surely. Joy for the many many sunny bays.
Sorrow from the troubles and anxieties from all my cheerless dismal. Sorrow for the many many unfortunate resting after rainy boxing day.
Boredom and monotony peaks till present date for I’m but a silly silly tangerine, is all that I may perhaps say.

Looking back at my resolution item by item, I realized that I’m still short of one and already broken more than I can uphold and carry on. I have listed down below what have I done, what haven’t I done and what I could not have done. So Mel, please read on and tell me how perhaps I can continue from.

10) Yes, met my sis. Too bad she’s going back to Peru next month for more mission works. But I think I’ll catch up with her this coming 20th, perhaps.
9) Discover more genuine pals. Well, I’ve met a few old friends lately but no one new still. Maybe next month I'll have better luck.
8) Clean up the house often. Still look reasonably tidy, maybe will clean up this weekend.
7) Less out-spoken, more sensitive. Haven’t offend or upset anyone so far, at least not that I know off, yet.
6) Sensible thinking. Being more prudent lately but I ain’t that wise. Silly at times. Dunno why.
5) Rekindle my charcoal fetish. Hee..Hee..haven’t even got the tools yet. I’m such a procrastinator.
4) Thankful for all circumstances. Harder than I anticipated. [sigh] Had a great double cheese burger today after 8km on the treadmill.
3) Appreciating life. I guess who wouldn’t after seeing the heartbreaking situations in Sri Lanka, Aceh and other Tsunami affected areas. Appreciating all the volunteers and aid workers too. My prayers be with you’ll. (that's if I remember to pray ;-)
2) Time management. I still think that this tangerine resemble a pathetic puppet dancing on an alarm clock’s mercy.
10b) Sleep at normal hours. Obviously not abiding cause It’s close to 5am now and I’m blogging while watching Pete Teo’s free live video. How normal can that be?

So Mel, what did you sense? Maybe I’ll update you every month on my advancement of these new year resolutions so that I could keep track on my own progress too. Sounds constructive isn’t it? See, sensible thinking. Or is this abnormal? I hope this tangerine is still sane cause I’m certainly feeling strange.

Yours truly,
Ms. Clemency Tangerine

Single & Candles Available

2005-01-14T12:00:00.000+08:00

My eyes unlock slightly, saw that the ceiling fan wasn’t spinning. Sure, everyone knows it’s a blackout, but not this tangerine. Of course, it was already 2pm when I recognize the power failure. My first thought was – Finally! I got to light up the pretty candle my cousin gave me on Christmas! Hurray! I was actually hoping that the power cut will last till tonight, how silly of me.

Yet it’s a pretty sunny day for me, drove out to McD’s and their air-con were just working fine. I’m impressed. Drop by Fitness First and their back-up generators were definitely functioning in satisfactory. I was like saying to myself, are the news sure that the blackout was that bad? Everything seems normal and frankly, life without traffic lights is just fine for me. I hardly stop at red anyway. Furthermore, what’s few hours of our power failure compared to Aceh’s and Sri Lanka’s current situation? Silly.

Hmmm … as I was typing this entry I had this sudden urge to light up the maple scented candle my cousin gave me. So here I am with my living room lights off, amused by my own quixotic behavior. Truly romantic I would say, blogging in front of the TV, watching the proposal on ‘Just shoot me’, enjoying the aroma from the scented candle permeating freely. There’s coffee indeed. If only someone were right here to accompany. Geez … I sense the occasion to write to Ms. Mel Ancholy.

Single & Problems Available

2005-01-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

When life becomes chaotic, we tend to lose focus in our existence and concentrate only on the smaller predicaments that are probably of no importance in our daily routines. We neglect the big picture and our focal point aimed at minute details. For a moment or two, some non-issues can become so huge that I’m still in amazement in how my time was exhausted solving them. What really amuses me is how the most insignificant issues often and always get hold of the majority of my time. Thus leaving no time or not enough instances for bigger more important problems. Or maybe I’m just formulating my eventful lifestyle to flee from problems which I rather just suppress under the carpet - period. The feet desires the soft sensation of transient relieve thus close an eye to what’s hidden underneath.

I know that not everyone is capable of solving problems of colossal degree. Furthermore, my first impression to all problematic matters are always exaggerated regardless of its magnitude, dun we all? So it seems that all my problems are of gigantic dimension. I won’t be able to resolve all difficulties but what anyone can merely do is to at least try. To try confronting duties instead of avoiding responsibilities. Of course, I’ve been hearing advises like this for gawd-zillion times. Confronting life through words is surely much simpler than overcoming existence by way of efforts. Surely, no one has tried to show me the DIY guide to life’s numerous problem solving project. So I drop by MPH to seek out the book, ‘Living Life for Dummies’. Nope, they don’t carry that title. They do stock ‘Migraines for Dummies’ nonetheless. Amused … Silly Tangerine.

Single & Old Days Available

2005-01-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

Just when I’m in the midst of scrutinizing my time management, I read this article in the papers saying that being lazy is the key to long life. Ermmm, Are they kidding? Apparently not …

Dr Peter Axt, a retired professor of health science at Fulda University near Frankfurt, and his daughter, Dr Michaela Axt-Gadermann, a general practitioner, say that everybody has a limited amount of “life energy” and that the speed with which it is consumed determines their life span. One key difference between the lazy and those who exercise was that the more active body produces more “free radicals” – unstable oxygen molecules that are believed to speed the ageing process. “If you do a lot of sport or are permanently stressed, then your body will produce more free radicals and that is one reason why your life could be shortened.” She added: “Laziness is also important for a healthy immune system because special immune-cells are stronger in times of relaxation than stress. During relaxation or “down time”, your metabolism is less active, which means the body produces fewer free radicals. The book also says that laziness is good for the brain. Exercise and stress can cause the body to produce the hormone cortisol, which can damage brain cells and lead to memory loss and premature senility. The book, The Joy of Laziness also suggests that early risers are more prone to stress. “People who would rather laze in a hammock instead of running a marathon, have a better chance of living into old age.”

I’m like thinking, WoW!!! It’s God trying to tell me something here? That my lazy slothful monotonous dull life might actually be a blessing for me? I wake up late, like really late. I practically have no stress plainly because I certainly don’t work that often. And I’m those sluggish sloth that will appreciate ‘nonstop relaxation’ to the fullest. Hmmm … but I do exercise a great deal. Maybe Fitness First isn’t that beneficial for me after all. Should I just stop doing treadmills and merely laze around the lounge then enjoy the free teas and hopefully do that till old age? Ermmm… that’s ridiculous, I’m already spending too much time lazing at my own living room watching TV and blog-surfing.

Oh no! Could this be a punishment from God instead for wasting all my precious time away? To live till old age with the suffering as well as anguish of boredom with monotony for every single day till I die? Like Hell without blazing fire … nothing freaks me up more than a boring dull existence!